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I AM A WOMAN WHO LOVES TOO MUCH-DISCOVERING MYSELF BY READING THE BOOK
WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH by Robin Norwood
11 DAYS 300 PAGES.
I am a woman who loves too much
I am 34 years old, a female, a surgeon,artist,dancer,sporty and what not...
but,ONE FLAW.
I am a woman who loves too much .The men I choose to be with in my life have caused me to LOSE out on attaining meaningful milestones that I initially set out to achieve in my life by this age.
THIS IS A WAKE UP CALL
I have this book on my hands-A very old book,it has 299 pages....
I plan to read 30 pages each day,for the next 10 days and finish this book .
As I read,I will underline,QUOTABLE excerpts and also will underline,THINGS that are directly relevant to my life choices and analyze my life on a PUBLIC BLOG PLATFORM.
It takes guts and acceptance of myself TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT..i have both..I have guts and I have now mustered up acceptance too.
Robin norwood the author of this book says that ACCEPTING THE FACT THAT YOU ARE A WOMAN WHO LOVES TOO MUCH is the first step.
ACCEPTING that fact takes a lot of BEATING TO MY EGO.
To accept it,to say that something is wrong with my head and emotional intelligence,is hurting my ego..
but yes,,I ACCEPT.
I am a very intelligent person-I.Q is ABOVE AVERAGE.Took I.Q tests when i was 14 and the I.Q PEOPLE sent back a GLORIOUS REPORT...(one high point in my life)
I am a doctor-I AM VERY VERY GOOD AT diagnosis , surgical skills,analyzing medical data and being a GREAT DOCTOR...so,PER SAY..I am not crazy and looney or anything like that...(just clarifying)
I am very emotionally insightful and very emotionally sharp too.When I see dysfunctionality in other people's life,I IMMEDIATELY detect and make note of the SOURCE of their "problems".So,I am emotionally in touch...but not with my own emotions.:)))..(one more trait of women who love too much)
BUT
BUT,when it comes to my love life..I DELIBERATELY CHOOSE, "PROBLEM" personalities.
I choose UNWHOLESOME personalities to be with or to associate with romantically.
i don't want to make out these men as "crazy men" or "bad men".
THEY WERE JUST BAD TO ME..and bad for me..
Again,have to clarify,NO REAL SEVERE PHYSICAL ABUSE OR SOME SUCH..just emotional abuse or lack of consideration for my emotional health and wellbeing...They were bad to me emotionally or bad for my emotional well being.CONSISTENT emotional abuse,does make a person physically sick over time you see...psychosomatic transformation of emotional unwellness-(LIKE I STUDIED IN MED SCHOOL)
These blog articles are not an attempt to make those men look bad..Whether they are bad or not is NOT the question...
WHY THE HELL am i choosing men who ultimately are emotionally INAPPROPRIATE for me IS THE QUESTION..
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DAY 1-OCT 28 2013
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EXCERPTS FROM PREFACE.-
note:excerpts are in blue,my own personal anecdotes are in black
EXCERPT 1:PREFACE
When we try to become his therapist,THAT MEANS,we are loving too much
MY PERSONAL ANECDOTE:
My last romantic interaction has been about me wanting to give some guidance to someone about their life...and mr.green, (my romantic involvement prior to the last one)started off with me wanting to counsel him on his alcoholism.
The truth of the matter is , 'THEY DON'T NEED MY HELP.Everyone is adult enough to help themselves if they truly want to help themselves.
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EXCERPT 2:
PREFACE
When our relationship jeopardizes our emotional well-being and perhaps even our physical health and safety ,we are definitely loving too much.
MY PERSONAL ANECDOTE:2
PREFACE
This rings true, hundred percent ,of all my romantic interactions with men.I choose men with personalities THAT ARE NOT COMPATIBLE with me,lots of arguments,lots of tears and lots of tears means loss of immunoglobulins lost in tears which inturn lead to low immunity and stress response in the body leading to ILL-HEALTH...
My med school boyfriend,who btw,I NEVER meant to date..but we hung around for so long together,that,over time,we just kinda got involved...I had no interest in him romantically to begin with at all...but well..never mind how it all happened,I will explain this in another more relevant context as i GO ALONG in this series...so,yeah,EACH DAY i would cry myself to sleep WHILE WITH HIM..It affected my physical health and med school performance A LOT..so,yes,I AM A WOMAN WHO LOVED TOO MUCH..coz, I DIDN'T BREAK UP WITH HIM,till I got out of med school and internship...that is 6 years of life wasted...
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EXCERPT 3:
PREFACE
Some of us have become so obsessed with our partner and our relationship that we are barely able to function.
MY PERSONAL ANECDOTE:3:PREFACE
This is HUNDRED PERCENT true with all the romantic interactions i have had with men.
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EXCERPT 4:
PREFACE
Once we know a relationship is not meeting our needs,we nevertheless have such difficulty ending it
MY PERSONAL ANECDOTE:4
PREFACE
Like i mentioned above,by the second date, I knew that my med school friend/BF was not my type and he was A FRAUD...and yet,I TOOK 6 YEARS TO BREAK UP WITH THIS GUY..i should have just stopped talking to him that very second date and COULD HAVE SAVED SIX YEARS OF MY LIFE...but I waited TILL IT WAS TOO LATE.
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EXCERPT 5:
PREFACE
Like any addict we need to admit the severity of our problem before we can begin to recover from it
MY PERSONAL ANECDOTE:5
PREFACE
Somewhere during med school,I recognized THAT SOMETHING was wrong with me,coz,i didn't even like him AND YET,i would meet him each day and call and talk and cry and waste that day...and NOT BREAK UP...
I knew something was wrong..but ADMITTING THE SEVERITY of MY problem took place only much later...if I am choosing to be with such men,IT IS MY PROBLEM..no?
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EXCERPT 6:
PREFACE
Their personal histories revealed their need for both the SUPERIORITY and the suffering they experienced in their "savior" role and helped make sense of the depth of their addiction to a man who was in turn addicted to a substance.
MY PERSONAL ANECDOTE:6
PREFACE
Very true...I thought that my med school bf (LET US CALL HIM MR.BLACK from now on) was stupid..INFACT,he was really stupid..
and i knew that..
and i was the top 1 of the class..all through school and college
So why choose such a stupid guy to be with?
yeah,exactly...some need of mine for superiority and the need to be the savior i suppose.
This same need also caused me to be involved with MR.GREEN and now very recentlly mr.t...i WANT to teach them things about life and inner meaning..
ya know what..WHY THE FUCK IS THAT MY JOB NOW?they will learn about the depths of life on their own.
Given that they are both a decade older than i am..IF THEY CAN'T do that on their own,that is THEIR problem,not mine.Being their savior IS NOT MY JOB.
Also.mr.black needed anti-psychotic medication which he started talking shortly after we started dating,coz he broke windows during an argument.and i insisted he go see a psychiatrist and the psychiatrist prescribed anti-psychotic drugs
I WAS SHELL SHOCKED backTHEN to EVEN REACT...i could have broken up after that window breaking episode ,but no,I STAYED on and ruined my own life...
Mr.green as all readers of this blog know,was an alcoholic when I first started talking to him..I don't know if he still is one...possibly still is,who knows...
So,yes,I deliberately choose ADDICTIVE PERSONALITIES, to romantically interact with.
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EXCERPT 7:
PREFACE
The woman's tendency is to become obsessed with a relationship-perhaps with just such a damaged and distant man.
MY PERSONAL ANECDOTE: 7
PREFACE
My two long term romantic involvements that have spanned years have been mr.black and mr.green and in my book, both are damaged and both are consistently distant...and both are addictive personalities..and guess what..THERE WAS NO FINANCIAL OBLIGATION or any other pressing compulsion THAT caused me to continue to be with them..I COULD HAVE EASILY WALKED OUT..but was OBSESSED with the relationships.yes! true..
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EXCERPT 8:
PREFACE
We all need to deny what is too painful or too threatening for us to accept.DENIAL is a natural means of self protection ,operating automatically and unbidden.
MY PERSONAL ANECDOTE:8
PREFACE
Denial is such a comfort cushion..I always say this on twitter and my other blogs...and I have practiced denial-both consciously and unconsciously to MASK ugly undesirable TRUTHS .coz the truth really hurt my ego..
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EXCERPT 9:
PREFACE
After all,you will most certainly be facing a struggle throughout those years ahead if you don't change your pattern of relating.But in that case,your struggle will not be towards growth but merely toward survival.
IF YOU CHOOSE to begin the process of recovery,you will change from a woman who loves someone else so much it hurts into a woman who loves herself enough to stop the pain
MY PERSONAL ANECDOTE:9
PREFACE
I choose the path of recovery, because i want all my struggle to be about GROWTH not mere survival.
thank you all ,,(bows to crowd)
I am putting my personal life out here for the whole world to read,coz someone has to come out and talk about it without shame,from my generation of people ,,so that fellow men and women can read,relate and choose their own life recovery path..
HUGS TO ALL..and read the rest of this series on this very blog.This blog is not just for women but men who have similar patterns too.
cheers!
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DISCLAIMER:
I am a 34yr old board certified female physician aka medical doctor.I have studied enough psychiatry to write articles on human psychology and psychiatry with an informed authority.As is evident from this blog of mine,I do infact WRITE articles on various aspects of socio-psychology from time to time.
I personally frown upon plagiarism and thus HAVE TO INSIST that quoting from norwood's book is NOT an effort in plagiarism.I could very well attempt to write articles on the very topics I am now quoting using norwood's words,but since I notice,that she has already done such a good and eloquent job of writing about the topics I am discussing here and since my blogs are essentially advertisement free and since I don't earn any money from my blog entries,and since norwood's book was first published in 1985 and it has almost been more than 25 years since then,quoting words from her book for NON-COMMERCIAL educational purposes might qualify as FAIR-USAGE?
Just for the sake of copyright,I am going to provide the name of the publishers who currently are associated with the book .
The name of the book from which I am quoting excerpts is WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH.
The name of the publishers ?
POCKET BOOKS which is a DIVISION of SIMON AND SCHUSTER INC. ,NYC.
They have a website and if you wish to procure a copy of this book,surely,they are the right people to be contacted.Here I have to CLARIFY,that I have NOT been paid by them or anyone else ,to quote excerpts from this book,nor have I been paid in any form or kind ,to mention them or the book in my blog.I am just doing this to share some relevant parts of the book for educational purposes for the benefit of my blog readers.
This book was first published in 1984 by pocket books.The copy I own was purchased from an used book store in 2005 and was a 1997,special tenth anniversary edition.
I may not completely agree with EVERYTHING in this book.However,so many sections are relevant NOT just to women,but also to men even in today's circumstances and times,27years since the book was first published.
MY PERSONAL ADVICE ABOUT SELF-HELP BOOKS?
Whenever we read a book ,or read anything anywhere for that matter,IT IS UP TO US,to take and assimilate whatever applies to us and whatever strikes right to us and leave behind what our mind percieves as something we don't want to learn.
IT IS ALL A VOLUNTARY EFFORT OF SELF DISCOVERY.There is absolutely no need to AGREE with everything every self-help book writer says.But,if something in a book or blog ,TOUCHES A CHORD in you,then assimilate it into your being, is all I am saying.
To me,it felt like,norwood almost makes you feel BAD for wanting to help others ,coz,see,according to the book,if you try to help someone out,then that means there is something WRONG WITH YOUR HEAD?
pun apart,really though,THERE IS nothing wrong with wanting to help others.INFACT,there are chances that there MAY BE NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU,if you want to help others.Infact,helping others is a great idea too.
Probably what she is trying to say through this book is that HELPING OTHERS at the cost of your own physical and mental health IS A RED FLAG.And I agree but again,helping others is a great idea!
having said that,there are some other topics in her book,which are VERY RELEVANT ,for all of us,AS THINKING FEELING HUMAN BEINGS and as human beings who have emotionally shut ourselves down to a point of numbness.
This book was on the NUMBER ONE newyorktimes bestseller list.But,then,I don't really place much importance to the nytimes bestseller list,coz,all kindsa IDIOT BOOKS do make it to that list..so,yeah,don't go by bestseller lists.Just read and assimilate what you feel is right.k?
