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I AM A WOMAN WHO LOVES TOO MUCH-DISCOVERING MYSELF BY READING THE BOOK-DAY 2-INTRO
WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH by Robin Norwood
11 DAYS 300 PAGES.
I am a woman who loves too much
I am 34 years old, a female, a surgeon,artist,dancer,sporty and what not...
but,ONE FLAW.
I am a woman who loves too much .The men I choose to be with in my life have caused me to LOSE out on attaining meaningful milestones that I initially set out to achieve in my life by this age.
THIS IS A WAKE UP CALL
I have this book on my hands-A very old book,it has 299 pages....
I plan to read 30 pages each day,for the next 10 days and finish this book .
As I read,I will underline,QUOTABLE excerpts and also will underline,THINGS that are directly relevant to my life choices and analyze my life on a PUBLIC BLOG PLATFORM.
It takes guts and acceptance of myself TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT..i have both..I have guts and I have now mustered up acceptance too.
Robin norwood the author of this book says that ACCEPTING THE FACT THAT YOU ARE A WOMAN WHO LOVES TOO MUCH is the first step.
ACCEPTING that fact takes a lot of BEATING TO MY EGO.
To accept it,to say that something is wrong with my head and emotional intelligence,is hurting my ego..
but yes,,I ACCEPT.
I am a very intelligent person-I.Q is ABOVE AVERAGE.Took I.Q tests when i was 14 and the I.Q PEOPLE sent back a GLORIOUS REPORT...(one high point in my life)
I am a doctor-I AM VERY VERY GOOD AT diagnosis , surgical skills,analyzing medical data and being a GREAT DOCTOR...so,PER SAY..I am not crazy and looney or anything like that...(just clarifying)
I am very emotionally insightful and very emotionally sharp too.When I see dysfunctionality in other people's life,I IMMEDIATELY detect and make note of the SOURCE of their "problems".So,I am emotionally in touch...but not with my own emotions.:)))..(one more trait of women who love too much)
BUT
BUT,when it comes to my love life..I DELIBERATELY CHOOSE, "PROBLEM" personalities.
I choose UNWHOLESOME personalities to be with or to associate with romantically.
i don't want to make out these men as "crazy men" or "bad men".
THEY WERE JUST BAD TO ME..and bad for me..
Again,have to clarify,NO REAL SEVERE PHYSICAL ABUSE OR SOME SUCH..just emotional abuse or lack of consideration for my emotional health and wellbeing...They were bad to me emotionally or bad for my emotional well being.CONSISTENT emotional abuse,does make a person physically sick over time you see...psychosomatic transformation of emotional unwellness-(LIKE I STUDIED IN MED SCHOOL)
These blog articles are not an attempt to make those men look bad..Whether they are bad or not is NOT the question...
WHY THE HELL am i choosing men who ultimately are emotionally INAPPROPRIATE for me IS THE QUESTION..
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DAY 2-OCT 29 2013-excerpts from introduction and minor criticisms
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EXCERPT 1:INTRODUCTION
Robin norwood writes " In 1985 when this book was first published ,the concept that woman could love too much was a revolutionary idea whose time had come."
"I hoped that by writing the book I could change the way we as a culture think about love,hoped that rather than romanticizing all the MISERY engendered by being obsessed with a man,would become able to say ,"That's loving too much !" and learn a better,HEALTHIER WAY OF RELATING!
MY PERSONAL ANECDOTE:1 INTRODUCTION
My personal view on this issue is,,love was different in 1985 than it was in 1930 and love in 2013 is different from what it was in 1985.In this book, Norwood TOUCHES a lot of relevant areas of dysfunctionality in a family and in our lives,WHICH still when applied accurately ARE VERY apt . EVEN IN 2013..ofcourse,she doesn't cover new problems of love in the internet age..(maybe i must write a new book about this)
There are some very minor points i disagree with her on, in this whole book and I might as well list them out here ,since this particular EXCERPT blog entry is possibly going to be the smallest of all in this series.(there are going to be 12 entries in all about this book on this blog)
Things I disagree with here on are
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a/She keeps mentioning zodiac signs and "believing in a higher power" and how it helps..HONESTLY,the lesser the UNKNOWN in our lives, the better for all us.
At one point in psychiatry,any patient who didn't believe in god was diagnosed as not having hope ...IMAGINE THAT...At that rate, galileo and plato and einstein were are all mental patients then?what the hell...Religion should always be kept seperate from science..
We don't need UNSCIENTIFIC methods like zodiac signs to predict behavior at all...There is no place for "ZODIAC" SIGNS in the science of psychiatry.
and definitely, we don't need "higher powers"!
All we need is our own OBJECTIVE POWERFUL LOGICAL UNBIASED THINKING.
Yes,given that some of us have gone through FAR TOO MUCH PAIN AND DAMAGE at times of utter helplessness, WE ARE ALL NOT GOING TO BE superlogically superstrong all the time .I UNDERSTAND THAT we are all going to feel powerful..
it is okay to feel powerless too,fell it .and then try to get to a stronger place on your own, is all I am saying!
Getting to a place of self-sufficiency is what should be our goal to attempt.
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b/She also almost makes it look like any woman who does well in school or excels at work is primarily doing so coz she is from some problem family and thus is trying to compensate for that...hmmmm
It is just possibly that a woman is doing well is school coz HER BRAIN is smart and she is genuinely super-talented and genuinely GOOD AT SCIENCE OR ART...
Honestly, PEOPLE EXCEL because they have the capacity in them to excel..irrespective of whether they are from problem families or not...and funnily,she applies this theory OF COMPENSATION only to females( No wonder she recieved some criticism from feminists when this book first published and released)
According to her,apparently,ofcourse,all smart talented achiever woman must have something wrong with them, according to her that is !...( i don't want to bash her here with a critical review though,coz ,there are so many things that are GOOD in this book,besides these minor criticisms)
This kind of thought process of showcasing achiever women in poor light, stems from a very chauvinistic society where PUTTING DOWN women achievers is a way of discrediting them and thus NOT allowing them to be a role model for younger women or men...and that is COMPLETELY unacceptable.
For me,SCIENCE comes very easily..i AM SMART...I am super smart infact...ideas,designs and understanding of science and art COMES VERY VERY EASILY TO ME...and if someone is going to tell me that I AM MIRACULOUSLY able to perform impeccable surgeries or draw very very superb portraits because my parents didn't love me so much and thus JUST TO IMPRESS THEM,overnight,I JUST WISHED MYSELF TO BE TALENTED AND THUS SUCCEEDED,then i complete OBJECT...
It takes innate talent to excel at science or art..it is not some PRACTICED BEHAVIOR .yes,it is hardwork,reading up all those textbooks of medicine..but i read them coz I LOVE THE FIELD OF SCIENCE AND MEDICINE
.If you are going to tell me that it is not possible for a person to have passion for science OR any other field, unless their parents didn't love them enough,THAT IS UTTER BULLSHIT.
if that would be the case..I WOULD RATHER THAT MORE children from broken families REALLY do practice such skills of converting their misery into talent in science or arts or GOOD performance at school and work.THAT IS CALLED PRODUCTIVE COPING..no?
Are you trying to tell me that BEING SMART OR BEING GOOD AT WORK IS A BAD THING?
I would like to contradict her here too and thus say.DEAR GIRLS, being good at work and exceling at school and college is a good thing...we don't care what the cause is...excelling at your school and work, will help you be a self sufficient adult and thus pave way for MORE GENDER EQUALITY IN SOCIETY..by avoiding all the mental problems that come into existence due to chauvinism and making breeding machine-sex concubines out of half the citizens of humanity!
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c/She almost always implies that anyone who is in the "HELPING" PROFESSIONS obviously is EMPTY in some way and thus by helping others they are filling that emptiness.
That is so so DISCREDITING to people WHO ARE DOING SUCH AN IMPORTANT JOB IN SOCIETY..
IT IS LIKE, branding people who are generous to others, as "crazy loonies" who are so foolish that they want to help people all coz they are so empty ..
Has it occured to here,that these woman are possibly helping others coz THEY FEEL SO FULL TO THEIR BRIM IN THEIR HEARTS WITH HAPPINESS AND POSITIVITY that they want to spread it around?that is a possibility too,no?
it is just possible that PEOPLE HAVE MENTALLY MATURED enough to be able to SEE THE BIGGER PICTURE IN LIFE,where a happy society is somewhere also helpful in contributing to each individual's sense of well being and thus being able to visualize the bigger pictures,allows them to want to help UNCONDITIONALLY?
In my opinion, a happy society is possible only when UNCONDiTIONAL HELP IS offered to needy people and thus, A LEVEL PLAYING FIELD is offered for everyone is society to heal and prosper.
TRYING TO BRAND "HELPERS" as some looney bins who are empty and are selfish is VERY VERY UNNECESSARY.
helping people is good,INFACT, all of us, MUST unconditionally help..AND even if people are helping just to have a sense of importance or purpose..the act of helping IS FAR MORE PRODUCTIVE than many other DESTRUCTIVE COPING MECHANISM that people indulge in to deal with their emptiness.
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So IN SHORT,
my criticism would be
a/Girls MUST get a great education AND must STRIVE TO EXCEL...Striving to excel is a far better coping mechanism and more productive than sitting in one corner and blaming everyone for their non-productivity and depression
b/All "helping professions" are NOBLE professions..NO NEED TO BRAND these professionals as looney bins...Someone has to do these DEMANDING JOBS..coz,if everyone STOPPED HELPING, society would rot.
c/zodiac signs and god and other such bullshit BE BETTER kept away from science and psychiatry... science requires EVIDENCE-BASED hypothesis, and theory proving...speculation and story telling cannot be included in science..I would highly appreciate if psychiatrists stop mentioning HIGHER POWERS,AND ZODIAC SIGNS in their books or journal papers.
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DISCLAIMER:
I am a 34yr old board certified female physician aka medical doctor.I have studied enough psychiatry to write articles on human psychology and psychiatry with an informed authority.As is evident from this blog of mine,I do infact WRITE articles on various aspects of socio-psychology from time to time.
I personally frown upon plagiarism and thus HAVE TO INSIST that quoting from norwood's book is NOT an effort in plagiarism.I could very well attempt to write articles on the very topics I am now quoting using norwood's words,but since I notice,that she has already done such a good and eloquent job of writing about the topics I am discussing here and since my blogs are essentially advertisement free and since I don't earn any money from my blog entries,and since norwood's book was first published in 1985 and it has almost been more than 25 years since then,quoting words from her book for NON-COMMERCIAL educational purposes might qualify as FAIR-USAGE?
Just for the sake of copyright,I am going to provide the name of the publishers who currently are associated with the book .
The name of the book from which I am quoting excerpts is WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH.
The name of the publishers ?
POCKET BOOKS which is a DIVISION of SIMON AND SCHUSTER INC. ,NYC.
They have a website and if you wish to procure a copy of this book,surely,they are the right people to be contacted.Here I have to CLARIFY,that I have NOT been paid by them or anyone else ,to quote excerpts from this book,nor have I been paid in any form or kind ,to mention them or the book in my blog.I am just doing this to share some relevant parts of the book for educational purposes for the benefit of my blog readers.
This book was first published in 1984 by pocket books.The copy I own was purchased from an used book store in 2005 and was a 1997,special tenth anniversary edition.
I may not completely agree with EVERYTHING in this book.However,so many sections are relevant NOT just to women,but also to men even in today's circumstances and times,27years since the book was first published.
MY PERSONAL ADVICE ABOUT SELF-HELP BOOKS?
Whenever we read a book ,or read anything anywhere for that matter,IT IS UP TO US,to take and assimilate whatever applies to us and whatever strikes right to us and leave behind what our mind percieves as something we don't want to learn.
IT IS ALL A VOLUNTARY EFFORT OF SELF DISCOVERY.There is absolutely no need to AGREE with everything every self-help book writer says.But,if something in a book or blog ,TOUCHES A CHORD in you,then assimilate it into your being, is all I am saying.
To me,it felt like,norwood almost makes you feel BAD for wanting to help others ,coz,see,according to the book,if you try to help someone out,then that means there is something WRONG WITH YOUR HEAD?
pun apart,really though,THERE IS nothing wrong with wanting to help others.INFACT,there are chances that there MAY BE NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU,if you want to help others.Infact,helping others is a great idea too.
Probably what she is trying to say through this book is that HELPING OTHERS at the cost of your own physical and mental health IS A RED FLAG.And I agree but again,helping others is a great idea!
having said that,there are some other topics in her book,which are VERY RELEVANT ,for all of us,AS THINKING FEELING HUMAN BEINGS and as human beings who have emotionally shut ourselves down to a point of numbness.
This book was on the NUMBER ONE newyorktimes bestseller list.But,then,I don't really place much importance to the nytimes bestseller list,coz,all kindsa IDIOT BOOKS do make it to that list..so,yeah,don't go by bestseller lists.Just read and assimilate what you feel is right.k?
