A small note for mr.u

Heya,
I know! It has been years now since I last emailed you.I possibly
might have sent you a few notes here and there,but no emails.
Not emailing you anymore was a conscious decision I made.
IT WAS A GOOD decision.
Anyways,
Just wanted to write a small note and leave it on my blog for you to read.
emailing you again is not a road i want to go down on again ever.

So,yeah,
here goes the small note
1/Thanks for the kind thoughts

2/thanks for still considering and respecting my opinions

3/hugs

4/hmmmm.it feels so odd to address a blog to you here .I feel so odd
and abnormal doing this on such a public platform

5/I may not email you anymore but that DOESN'T MEAN,you are not dear
to my soul.I might be stoic to you now,but i do want good things to
happen to you.

6/i want you to TRY HARDER to become the man I WOULD OPENLY GUSH
ABOUT,SOMEONE I CAN BE PROUD OF,k?

7/hugs..This feels so odd,writing like this on an open blog for
everyone else to read as well

8/way back I had asked you to buy me gifts from the country you were
visitng then.tatami mats and ceramic pots.I wanted you to buy them and
keep them in your apartment till i can come around and take them when
i visit you.

Sadly,THAT VISIT NEVER HAPPENED so far.
five years down the lane,that apartment has already been sold,you got
older,did some more mistakes and well,you are back in that same
country for a visit.

I have the Same request all over again,small tatami mats,stonewear
ceramics and a black and white cotton five dollar kimono.BUY them and
keep them buried in the bottom of a dresser drawer somewhere AND IF
FATE HAS US MEETING,then,I will take those gifts from you,k?

9/hugs

10/more advice now.Stop eating peanut butter like a snack.Learn to
make quick healthy snacks instead.Buy fresh foods and stock your
pantry and refrigerator.and experiment with those fresh
ingredients.try new recipes..cook from scratch.use vegetables in your
recipes.eat fruits...k?

11/some more advice.Remember the time when you were a young man and
NEVER DRANK..Honestly?that is the young boy i was in love with,because
he was so much like me...I grew up,you grew up.I grew old,you grew
old..and you have changed so much as a person...REGRESSED
,infact.Anyways,long story short.STOP DRINKING ALCOHOL.

12/watch your posture.I know, i know.YOU ARE TALLER THAN average and
hence,each time you talk to others,you kinda need to hunch down and
look down.I GET THAT.
but still,DON'T HUNCH...
watch your posture ...while walking,walk tall,walk straight,have a
straight upper back.. While sitting,have a straight lower back,don't
hunch.sit straight.

13/STop watching porn so much...PORN essentially ruined your mindset
..totally.Stop using porn as a stress buster ...instead..try to find
out the real cause of stress and try to correct it...Porn objectifies
and commodifies and exploits financially desperate girls and I WANT
YOU TO BE NO PART OF THAT...

14/Stop eating sugared cereals.YOU ALREADY HAVE SPACES BETWEEN YOUR
TEETH..and milk contributes to teeth rotting..you are 36 now,,and
teeth are not getting any younger.Time to eliminate processed food
from your diet. So,count chocula is out of your diet...k?

15/Brush and floss your teeth each night before going to
sleep..again,neither of us is getting any older.I found out the hard
way about how much brushing and flossing is important to keep teeth
healthy.I want you to be incharge of your oral hygeine.k?and
yeah,floss the RIGHT WAY,,

16/Shampoo your hair every other day.YOU HAVE THE SAME SCALP and face
skin type as i do.yEAH,use your fingertips to scratch the scalp while
you shampoo.Don't use shampoos with conditioner.

17/Take a shower prior to going to sleep.helps me get better sleep and
I want you to get some better sleep each night too,k?hugs(look,the
fact that I am taking so much time writing this blog entry MUST AFFIRM
to you the fact that I DO CARE about you.k?)

18/Do your own laundry.do not make the housekeeper or dry cleaners
clean your clothes.we must all learn to CLEAN UP AFTER OURSELVES no
matter how many billions we make in life,k?

19/clean your own toilet.If you are sharing the toilet with someone
else,both of you must share the toilet cleaning duties,alternately.
Don't make OTHER PEOPLE who are not using that toilet to CLEAN YOUR
TOILET...the worst unethical thing to do is MAKE ANOTHER HUMAN BEING
CLEAN AFTER YOUR FILTH.I clean my own toilet,you must do the same.k?

20/hugs.the height difference is making these hugs difficult.stands on
step stool ,so that you don't need to hunch while you hug..:)) HUGS
AND KISSES.

21/i AM NOT going to advice you on your love life-in specific.
But ,all I am going to say is,MASTURBATE ENOUGH,so that you don't make
decisions based on sexual frustration.

Also,don't make love choices based on LONELINESS..
.I personally believe that BEING LONELY AND CELIBATE is so much better
than being with someone who is NOT EMOTIONALLY GOOD FOR YOU or someone
who is not INTELLECTUALLY STIMULATING for you..

YOU ARE CEREBRAL,I am even more cerebral AND for people like
us...TRUST ME,the wrong person can ruin our head...AND do a lot of
damage.

I can't personally come and protect you and prevent you from making mistakes...
it is ironic sometimes when I want you to NOT MAKE THE SAME KIND OF
MISTAKES I HAVE MADE IN LOVE AND I CONTINUE TO MAKE THEM TOO...
so yeah,,sigh..whatever...I just don't want you to get Jaded BECAUSE
OF YOUR LOVE MISTAKES,K?I sure am getting jaded due to my past and
present mistakes.

22/hugs...HUGS AND SPOONING so work,no?

23/btw,k,because i am a painter and because i like sketching and
because i like staring at skies and birds and mountains for hours on
end ,,I would like for a kitchen deck to be built at your place(with
hopes that SOME DAY, I might pay you a visit)...I would like to paint
and take pictures and vegetate on your deck...and maybe we both can
lie down on the deck and ARGUE..a lil bit more..one day,if fate
permits!k?

24/yeah,don' eat to the brim just before laying down to sleep..it
regurgitates back to the pharynx and then ,NO TINY TABLEts HELP to
prevent that...the trick is to eat hours before you lay down to
sleep.That way,FOOD IS ready to be GASTRIC EMPTIED into duodenum AND
THUS ,won't regurgitate back.

25/yeah,before I totally forget,Don't be insecure about your looks and
don't be overly vain either...I see bouts of UNDEREATING TO GET
THINNER,,which is Alarming me...COME ON..you are a wise man..what
happened to the wise sage boy I once fell in love with?....what the
fuck...get a grip,eat well,but don't overeat like a pig.and more than
anything,eat healthy food.

26/hugs...what else....I don't know...take care and yeah,no,I DON'T
HATE YOU ...i just feel a DISCONNECT,is all...k?hugs.best
wishes,cheers.

Tags: mr_u, love, love_lost , old_love, lover_notes , disconnect,
sadness, goodbyes_are_tough, advice, sharing_life

update-12DAYS300PAGES project-CLEANING OUT MY CLOSET!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This Blog article(EXCEPT EXCERPTS) is creative property of Dr.A.R aka LecinQblog.This blog article originally was written for and is meant to appear on any one of the blogs in this list

http://www.blogger.com/profile/15524952530919224387 .If you find this blog article anywhere other than on BLOGSPOT,please visit my original blog,find my email address and email me with details of where else you read this blog entry.All my blogs are AD-free blogs AND I completely frown upon someone else trying to make money off my blogs without my prior written permission.

=================================================================================================================

STALLING THE 12 DAYS 300 PAGES PROJECT

I am stalling the 12days 300pages project for a couple of days or more.

reason?

I think the book REALLY REALLY WORKS in helping me understand my own behavior and is helping me CORRECT my behavior too.

But,then,I figure that once i finish the 300 pages ,and reexpose myself to old memories I might relapse.

How do i tackle a relapse problem?

Well ,for one,WRITING out PURGE BLOGS really helps me really purge out memories of people I want to forget in my life.

Last year,in october 2012,i set out to write PURGE BLOGS about mr.u..

DID THAT HELP?

Absolutely , a THOUSAND PERCENT ,yes.

Now,when i hear about him,NOTHING HAPPENS TO ME.I am stoic.

Now,when i see his pictures,NOTHING HAPPENS TO ME.I am stoic.

I have succesfully PURGED him out of my life.

I am very glad for that...I am very very very THANKFUL for that..

I am glad that I REALLY DON'T CARE ONE WAY OR ANOTHER about his life or his mistakes.who cares!NOT MY LIFE..so who the fuck cares!

The purging effort happened because I SPENT DAYS READING EVERY DAMN email and social media interaction connected to mr.u and then MENTALLY constructing and deconstructing the SEQUENCE OF EVENTS and making a note of WHAT AND HOW.

Then,finally , I typed out those PURGE BLOGS ABOUT HIM and then boom,all memories were emptied out..

This year ,I have set out to PURGE mr.green from my mind and life forever.

for that to work,I must go back and read all old emails and read all of our social media interactions,memories of phone calls if any and other such stuff!

Then ,assess the whole sequence of happenings and make a mental note of how and why.

Only then,would i have successfully collected all the memories that i seek to purge out.

Reading this book by norwood has been an effort in healing from all the damage I incurred due to my mr.green experience.

Actually,I had bought this book in 2005,on a whim,at a USED BOOK STORE..coz i had just broken up with mr.black,the blackhole monster of my life and the title of this book caught my eye.plus they were selling used book at a pittance and I am a sucker for the printed matter!

I was so buzzed up in stress back then,I scan read the book,HERE AND THERE, and just set it aside,coz it felt like a LOAD OF BULLSHIT.

This book DIDN'T HELP ME BACK THEN.at all!

Last year,after i wrote purge blogs about mr.u,I SET AROUND TO ORGANIZING MY BOOK LIBRARY..which had/still has around 2000 books or so....

and while putting away books in boxes,I came across this book.

I had a memory recall of this book being bullshit..

I figured,"okay,let me give it one last read and see if it is still BULLSHIT and then if it turns out to be,then I SHALL GIVE IT BACK TO THE USED BOOK STORE OR LIBRARY"

I did not put it in the box .I put it beside my bed.

And one night,I decided to finally read it. re-read it ,that is!

I took a look at the chapters and boom,second chapter,"GOOD SEX IN BAD RELATIONSHIPS"

whoa!

mr.green and I,,we have a GREAT SEXUAL EQUATION..but very bad relationship otherwise..

so,ofcourse,i jumped to this chapter,so see,"WHAT BULLSHIT"the author had to say.

THAT NIGHT,was a "bingo!" night...An "aha-moment" night..

That chapter,suddenly ,ANSWERED ALL MY QUESTIONS.

And I was like, "wait a min..This book is NOT a bullshit book like i had previously thought"

Then,each night,I randomly read pages,here and there and back and forth and whichever page i opened each night.

ALL PAGES RANG SO TRUE,SO RIGHT..

I was like,"FUCK,tHIS BOOK HELPS"

Then,i had to go look up the author,look up the book and what not..

So, yeah..ACCIDENTAL DISCOVERY ,THIS BOOK!

I figured that I must first write those mr.green purge blogs and THEN proceed to read and finish the book IN SEQUENCE,because,I SURE AS HELL,don't want to go collecting and purging memories AFTER I HAVE FINISHED READING THE BOOK,because I REALLY FEAR A RELAPSE once old memories come back.

So far,it has taken me nearly a week of "ON-AND-OFF reading sessions" of OLD EMAILS.

Going back to the inbox and reading those OLD EMAILS was a BIG PAIN IN THE ASS...TOTAL MENTAL CLOUDING...SEVERE HEADACHE and heartache and tears due to OLD MEMORY SURGE!

TO START WITH,

I dreaded to even open up the MR.GREEN FOLDER..I get anxiety when I try to recall him or his memories .I have hidden all our old emails in a folders..and buried it somewhere in my old inbox...:((((

The "mr.green folder" has THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF EMAILS IN IT...

No,seriously,HE IS the one person i have exchanged back and forth,THOUSANDS OF EMAILS IN MONTHS...

so,needless,it was an OVERWHELMING experience to even set out to actually read up all THOUSANDS of them.All emotional loaded emails,some sexual,some romantic,some very angry,some sad,most of them VERY CHARGED...

This effort at reading up that folder has also been the reason why i have DEFAULTED ON THE 12DAYS 300PAGES project too,coz,the time i had alloted in a day for the project was now being consumed reading the MR.GREEN folder.

I AM HAPPY TO SAY that two days ago,AFTER having spent 3-6 hour stretches of vehemently feverishly reading up our old emails in sequence of old to new,I HAVE NOW FINISHED READING ALL OF THEM.

For a minute amidst all that email reading,I was like,"is this every gonna get over?"

SO MANY THOUGHTS AROSE IN MY HEAD, as I read the emails back to back-so many questions arose as i read those emails-so many things I still wanted to ask him.

With me,once a question arises in my head,I have to ask it..IF I SUPRESS IT for now,it will surely sprout up again and again later,till I finally ask them and find out the answer..the inquisitive mind of a scientist I suppose..LOL

I figured,WHY NOT sent those questions right away to him, while I AM DOING THIS PURGE EFFORT AND GET IT OVER WITH ,rather than bottle it up again, then finish the purge blogs, then finish the 12days300pages project and then weeks down the line, those questions are still lurking in my head and then I dread emailing him that much later ..THAT WOULD BE LIKE SCRAPING UP OLD WOUNDS AND GOING INTO REPLAPSE .

I want to ERASE HIM OUT OF MY MIND AND lead life like I NEVER TALKED TO HIM EVER..i want healing...

This year,january to may,WAS SO PRODUCTIVE..coz i had brushed him off my mind and it was all great.That is when I realized what a toxic effect he has on me.His thoughts are toxic on my productivity.

so yeah,I HAVE TO PURGE HIM.

So,yeah.I sent him some 222 emails this past week.Most of them were forwards of old emails with my added notes about them, asking him things or telling him things connected to that old email....I DON'T CARE WHETHER HE READS THEM .I DEFINITELY don't want him to reply to me EVER...i just had to share my thoughts about them and get them out of my effort.PURGE,PURGE!

I WANT OUT....I WANT OUT...

i never want to know of him or what he is doing ,ANYMORE..

it is too much strain...hurts my heart!

I NEED MEMORY ERASE.

In may 2013,I decided to write SOME PURGE BLOGS regarding mr.green just to GET IT OUT OF MY SYSTEM...

I kept postponing it till now.

I think,finishing these purge BLOGS and posting them would be a step further in my mental healing..

ONCE i am done with the mr.green purge blogs,I WILL COME BACK AND FINISH READING THE 300 PAGES ..

So,for now,I WANT TO CLEAN OUT MY CLOSET..before i set out to heal.

This 12days300 pages project has JUST GOT TO WAIT A FEW MORE DAYS .

CHEERS ALL READERS.

=============================================================

=================================================================================================================

I AM A WOMAN WHO LOVES TOO MUCH-DISCOVERING MYSELF BY READING THE BOOK

WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH by Robin Norwood

11 DAYS 300 PAGES.

I am a woman who loves too much

I am 34 years old, a female, a surgeon,artist,dancer,sporty and what not...

but,ONE FLAW.

I am a woman who loves too much .The men I choose to be with in my life have caused me to LOSE out on attaining meaningful milestones that I initially set out to achieve in my life by this age.

THIS IS A WAKE UP CALL

I have this book on my hands-A very old book,it has 299 pages....

I plan to read 30 pages each day,for the next 10 days and finish this book .

As I read,I will underline,QUOTABLE excerpts and also will underline,THINGS that are directly relevant to my life choices and analyze my life on a PUBLIC BLOG PLATFORM.

It takes guts and acceptance of myself TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT..i have both..I have guts and I have now mustered up acceptance too.

Robin norwood the author of this book says that ACCEPTING THE FACT THAT YOU ARE A WOMAN WHO LOVES TOO MUCH is the first step.

ACCEPTING that fact takes a lot of BEATING TO MY EGO.

To accept it,to say that something is wrong with my head and emotional intelligence,is hurting my ego..

but yes,,I ACCEPT.

I am a very intelligent person-I.Q is ABOVE AVERAGE.Took I.Q tests when i was 14 and the I.Q PEOPLE sent back a GLORIOUS REPORT...(one high point in my life)

I am a doctor-I AM VERY VERY GOOD AT diagnosis , surgical skills,analyzing medical data and being a GREAT DOCTOR...so,PER SAY..I am not crazy and looney or anything like that...(just clarifying)

I am very emotionally insightful and very emotionally sharp too.When I see dysfunctionality in other people's life,I IMMEDIATELY detect and make note of the SOURCE of their "problems".So,I am emotionally in touch...but not with my own emotions.:)))..(one more trait of women who love too much)

BUT

BUT,when it comes to my love life..I DELIBERATELY CHOOSE, "PROBLEM" personalities.

I choose UNWHOLESOME personalities to be with or to associate with romantically.

i don't want to make out these men as "crazy men" or "bad men".

THEY WERE JUST BAD TO ME..and bad for me..

Again,have to clarify,NO REAL SEVERE PHYSICAL ABUSE OR SOME SUCH..just emotional abuse or lack of consideration for my emotional health and wellbeing...They were bad to me emotionally or bad for my emotional well being.CONSISTENT emotional abuse,does make a person physically sick over time you see...psychosomatic transformation of emotional unwellness-(LIKE I STUDIED IN MED SCHOOL)

These blog articles are not an attempt to make those men look bad..Whether they are bad or not is NOT the question...

WHY THE HELL am i choosing men who ultimately are emotionally INAPPROPRIATE for me IS THE QUESTION..

================================================================================================

==============================================================

Tags: Tags: Robin_norwood, psychiatry, psychology, family, support_system, dysfunctionality,dysfunctional_families, family_unit,quotes,women_who_love_too_much,book_review,11days300pages,love,desire,romance,women,

=================================================================================================================

DISCLAIMER:

I am a 34yr old board certified female physician aka medical doctor.I have studied enough psychiatry to write articles on human psychology and psychiatry with an informed authority.As is evident from this blog of mine,I do infact WRITE articles on various aspects of socio-psychology from time to time.

I personally frown upon plagiarism and thus HAVE TO INSIST that quoting from norwood's book is NOT an effort in plagiarism.I could very well attempt to write articles on the very topics I am now quoting using norwood's words,but since I notice,that she has already done such a good and eloquent job of writing about the topics I am discussing here and since my blogs are essentially advertisement free and since I don't earn any money from my blog entries,and since norwood's book was first published in 1985 and it has almost been more than 25 years since then,quoting words from her book for NON-COMMERCIAL educational purposes might qualify as FAIR-USAGE?

Just for the sake of copyright,I am going to provide the name of the publishers who currently are associated with the book .

The name of the book from which I am quoting excerpts is WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH.

The name of the publishers ?

POCKET BOOKS which is a DIVISION of SIMON AND SCHUSTER INC. ,NYC.

www.simonandschuster.com/

They have a website and if you wish to procure a copy of this book,surely,they are the right people to be contacted.Here I have to CLARIFY,that I have NOT been paid by them or anyone else ,to quote excerpts from this book,nor have I been paid in any form or kind ,to mention them or the book in my blog.I am just doing this to share some relevant parts of the book for educational purposes for the benefit of my blog readers.

This book was first published in 1984 by pocket books.The copy I own was purchased from an used book store in 2005 and was a 1997,special tenth anniversary edition.

I may not completely agree with EVERYTHING in this book.However,so many sections are relevant NOT just to women,but also to men even in today's circumstances and times,27years since the book was first published.

MY PERSONAL ADVICE ABOUT SELF-HELP BOOKS?

Whenever we read a book ,or read anything anywhere for that matter,IT IS UP TO US,to take and assimilate whatever applies to us and whatever strikes right to us and leave behind what our mind percieves as something we don't want to learn.

IT IS ALL A VOLUNTARY EFFORT OF SELF DISCOVERY.There is absolutely no need to AGREE with everything every self-help book writer says.But,if something in a book or blog ,TOUCHES A CHORD in you,then assimilate it into your being, is all I am saying.

To me,it felt like,norwood almost makes you feel BAD for wanting to help others ,coz,see,according to the book,if you try to help someone out,then that means there is something WRONG WITH YOUR HEAD?

pun apart,really though,THERE IS nothing wrong with wanting to help others.INFACT,there are chances that there MAY BE NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU,if you want to help others.Infact,helping others is a great idea too.

Probably what she is trying to say through this book is that HELPING OTHERS at the cost of your own physical and mental health IS A RED FLAG.And I agree but again,helping others is a great idea!

having said that,there are some other topics in her book,which are VERY RELEVANT ,for all of us,AS THINKING FEELING HUMAN BEINGS and as human beings who have emotionally shut ourselves down to a point of numbness.

This book was on the NUMBER ONE newyorktimes bestseller list.But,then,I don't really place much importance to the nytimes bestseller list,coz,all kindsa IDIOT BOOKS do make it to that list..so,yeah,don't go by bestseller lists.Just read and assimilate what you feel is right.k?

　

　

update about the "12 days 300 pages" series

This Blog article(EXCEPT EXCERPTS) is creative property of Dr.A.R aka
LecinQblog.This blog article originally was written for and is meant
to appear on any one of the blogs in this list
http://www.blogger.com/profile/15524952530919224387 .If you find this
blog article anywhere other than on BLOGSPOT,please visit my original
blog,find my email address and email me with details of where else you
read this blog entry.All my blogs are AD-free blogs AND I completely
frown upon someone else trying to make money off my blogs without my
prior written permission.
=================================================================================================================
heya readers,
a short update about the "12 days 300 pages" review series.
you can search in the archives to read all that has been written so
far.I will take the time to appropriately tag all the articles into
ONE SINGLE tag and put it on the tag cloud,so that you all can read
the whole series in one go-if you please and if you have the
inclination and energy to be able to do it.
I started writing this series on oct 28 2013
The aim was to read 30 pages each day,then TYPE OUT excerpts from the
book that i particularly related to or like and then ALSO TYPE OUT my
own personal anecdotes below each excerpt,and then post it on my blog.
MY READING SPEED is fine,but TYPING OUT EXCERPTS has proved to be such
a time sucker....
I am reading it at 30pages a day,that has been a breeze...
but,typing them out at the same rate has become a pain and by day
three,I KINDA "defaulted".
I promise to catch up my typing speed to my reading speed.
trust me,by the end of 12 days, ALL 12 BLOG ENTRIES will be up and
available for all of you to read.
THANKS.
HUGS,read ,review,learn,think.

DAY 3-OCT 30 2013 -PAGES 1-30-PART 1-I AM A WOMAN WHO LOVES TOO MUCH-DISCOVERING MYSELF BY READING THE BOOK

DAY 3-OCT 30 2013 -PAGES 1-30-PART 1

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This Blog article(EXCEPT EXCERPTS) is creative property of Dr.A.R aka LecinQblog.This blog article originally was written for and is meant to appear on any one of the blogs in this list

http://www.blogger.com/profile/15524952530919224387 .If you find this blog article anywhere other than on BLOGSPOT,please visit my original blog,find my email address and email me with details of where else you read this blog entry.All my blogs are AD-free blogs AND I completely frown upon someone else trying to make money off my blogs without my prior written permission.

=================================================================================================================

I AM A WOMAN WHO LOVES TOO MUCH-DISCOVERING MYSELF BY READING THE BOOK

WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH by Robin Norwood

11 DAYS 300 PAGES.

I am a woman who loves too much

I am 34 years old, a female, a surgeon,artist,dancer,sporty and what not...

but,ONE FLAW.

I am a woman who loves too much .The men I choose to be with in my life have caused me to LOSE out on attaining meaningful milestones that I initially set out to achieve in my life by this age.

THIS IS A WAKE UP CALL

I have this book on my hands-A very old book,it has 299 pages....

I plan to read 30 pages each day,for the next 10 days and finish this book .

As I read,I will underline,QUOTABLE excerpts and also will underline,THINGS that are directly relevant to my life choices and analyze my life on a PUBLIC BLOG PLATFORM.

It takes guts and acceptance of myself TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT..i have both..I have guts and I have now mustered up acceptance too.

Robin norwood the author of this book says that ACCEPTING THE FACT THAT YOU ARE A WOMAN WHO LOVES TOO MUCH is the first step.

ACCEPTING that fact takes a lot of BEATING TO MY EGO.

To accept it,to say that something is wrong with my head and emotional intelligence,is hurting my ego..

but yes,,I ACCEPT.

I am a very intelligent person-I.Q is ABOVE AVERAGE.Took I.Q tests when i was 14 and the I.Q PEOPLE sent back a GLORIOUS REPORT...(one high point in my life)

I am a doctor-I AM VERY VERY GOOD AT diagnosis , surgical skills,analyzing medical data and being a GREAT DOCTOR...so,PER SAY..I am not crazy and looney or anything like that...(just clarifying)

I am very emotionally insightful and very emotionally sharp too.When I see dysfunctionality in other people's life,I IMMEDIATELY detect and make note of the SOURCE of their "problems".So,I am emotionally in touch...but not with my own emotions.:)))..(one more trait of women who love too much)

BUT

BUT,when it comes to my love life..I DELIBERATELY CHOOSE, "PROBLEM" personalities.

I choose UNWHOLESOME personalities to be with or to associate with romantically.

i don't want to make out these men as "crazy men" or "bad men".

THEY WERE JUST BAD TO ME..and bad for me..

Again,have to clarify,NO REAL SEVERE PHYSICAL ABUSE OR SOME SUCH..just emotional abuse or lack of consideration for my emotional health and wellbeing...They were bad to me emotionally or bad for my emotional well being.CONSISTENT emotional abuse,does make a person physically sick over time you see...psychosomatic transformation of emotional unwellness-(LIKE I STUDIED IN MED SCHOOL)

These blog articles are not an attempt to make those men look bad..Whether they are bad or not is NOT the question...

WHY THE HELL am i choosing men who ultimately are emotionally INAPPROPRIATE for me IS THE QUESTION..

================================================================================================

DAY 3-OCT 30 2013-PART 1

==================

EXCERPTS FROM Pages 1-30- PART 1

note:excerpts are in blue,my own personal anecdotes are in black

EXCERPT 1: PAGES 1-30-chapter starter poem

You're walking the wire

OF pain and desire,

LOOKING for love in between

MY PERSONAL ANECDOTE:PAGES 1-30-chapter starter poem

This line "pain and desire" pretty much sums up my interaction with mr.green..

How could I SEXUALLY desire someone who was the cause of so much pain and anger?

Again,i am not here to criticize HIM or blame him,coz that is NOT my job...I am here to analyze my own behavior.

************************

EXCERPT 2:PAGES 1-30-page 2

"They really pursue me and everything and then after they get to know me"-she tensed visibly against the coming pain -"it all falls apart"

I just don't know why this keeps happening to me,I'm afraid to get involved anymore.I mean,it is nothing but pain everytime.I'm beginning to be really afraid of men

MY PERSONAL ANECDOTE 2 :PAGES 1-30 -page 2

Actually,when i first was talking to mr.green on twitter,I just looked at him as this damaged alcoholic middle aged man with no respect for women and kinda unoriginal too.He would constantly butt into twitter conversations I was having with one of his "longtime" friends..I saw that constant butting in , as him PURSUING me.

However,I DIDN'T see him as an APPROPRIATE person for me at all..I was upset that something in my tweets made him believe that " him" the alcoholic,was good enough for me..I felt sad that I projected such a bad image that he thought he was good enough for me

yet,I SUDDENLY decided to "help" him with his alcoholism ,me being the doctor and all...and as time went on,IT ALL DID FALL APART.

What shocked me about this book , was, THIS BOOK was written in 1985..yeah?all incidents in this book took place before I met mr.green, right?YET,the sequencing of events in each of the cases described in this book,EERILY match mine in some way or the other..which is why,i am convinced that this is a PREDICTABLE PATTERN of behavior(..much like norwood insists)

I am not YET,beginning to be afraid of men,but I am starting to notice that i possibly might be slightly weary to get involved in a relationship.I find staying ALONE more productive.

**********************************

EXCERPT 3:PAGES 1-30-page 3

When he returned to his san diego apartment,the phone was ringing.Jill warmly informed him that had been WORRIED about his long drive and was relieved to know that he was safely home.When she thought he sounded a little bemused at her call,she apologized for bothering him and hung up,but a GNAWING DISCOMFORT began to grow in her ,fueled by the awareness that once again , she cared far more than the man in her life did.

MY PERSONAL ANECDOTE 3:PAGES 1-30 -page 3

Actually a very similar situation happened ,EERILY similar incident.

it happened with my med school boyfriend..Actually i never meant for him to be a BOYFRIEND AT ALL..but six years down the lane, in retrospect, let us now call him BOYFRIEND..though at that point that this incident happened..IT WAS JUST A FRIENDSHIP BUDDING..

I was at the strip mall and i was walking along all confused and thinking about the guy i just broke up with to whom i had just made a LONG PHONE CALL from a telephone box(yeah,we still had them everywhere then)..and then funnily,I made this mr.black a call, AND asked him to come over to the strip mall because i was so down about the fact that i broke with a guy i was still in love with

Mr.black came and we talked and then he went back to his home and then I CALLED HIM,,like this lady in this case history does, TO CHECK if he reached home safely, coz i WAS WORRIED ABOUT HIM.

wow...too much worrying about people who were strangers only a day or two ago?why?THAT IS CALLED >>>> LOVING TOO MUCH<<<< my friends!

*****************

EXCERPT 4:PAGES 1-30-page 3

"I was supposed to love him and leave him alone at the same time.I couldn't do it,so I just got more and more scared.The more I panicked ,the more I chased him "

MY PERSONAL ANECDOTE 4:PAGES 1-30 -page 3

Again,chasing people coz i panicked is what i possibly did,to mr.black and mr.purple and also mr.green.HMMMM.nuff said, more about this PANIC CHASING in another blog entry ..so much to put out there for the benefit of readers and most of all and more than anything for the sake of MYSELF!

****************

EXCERPT 5:PAGES 1-30-page 3

calling him almost nightly ,these conversations were as vague as they were lengthy

MY PERSONAL ANECDOTE 5 :PAGES 1-30 -page 3

"vague and lengthy" would be the EXACT TERM I would use for the NIGHTLY conversations I would have with mr.black each day for six years...ridiculously pointless,useless,conversations..coz ,they only made me sadder and feel more empty and then i would cry myself to sleep.GREAT.WHAT THE FUCK!

*****************

EXCERPT 6 :PAGES 1-30-page 4

Thus,JILL felll into the role of "shrink" with Randy trying to help hom be more emotionally present for her.

MY PERSONAL ANECDOTE 6:PAGES 1-30 -page 4

eerily,true in my case with MR.BLACK and to some extent mr.green too.

I tried playing the role of "shrink"...Why must i need to do that?that is so unhealthy in a relationship and more than anything,unfulfilling..If i am going to be his shrink,who is going to be there for me?huh?

**************

EXCERPT 7:PAGES 1-30-page 4

That he did not want her was something she could not accept.she has already decided that he needed her.

MY PERSONAL ANECDOTE 7:PAGES 1-30 -page 4

This totally applies to my interaction with mr.black as time went on, and also with mr.purple and then mr.green. and possibly whatever little interaction i had with mr.t. so far too.

Firstly,I THINK,ofcourse all these men are super-damaged and definitely NEED HELP..but,NOT MY HELP..not my love or romance.

They need to take time to analyze their own deep dark fears and secrets and try to help themselves by seeking counseling...BUT THEY DIDN'T NEED MY HELP..i must be with people who DON'T NEED MY HELP...

Also, i took it too personally,when "GOOD FOR NOTHING" mr.black did not want me.NOT THAT HE SAID THAT HE DIDN'T WANT ME..but he was so PASSIVE the whole time...I was like, " me the superwoman is offering herself to this no-gooder and he the no-gooder has the audacity to say no?" it was an ego thing...

The true issue I should have focused on is that..THE VERY FACT that he was a no-gooder WAS WHAT WAS MAKING HIM feel uncomfortable to want me or be with me.

HE was NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME and he could not relate to me because of that very reason...There is no real REJECTION involved at all...it is just that we were so POLES APART...and were not equal..

comfort develops more easily between EQUALS.

but then, i percieved his passiveness as an ego shattering rejection..as if, "you cannot break up with me!!IF ANYTHING,,i must be the one to break up with you"

Again,JUST TO CLARIFY,he never broke up with me.He just would be so passive and so deceptively secretive and so shut down..and i would break up with him and AFTER TIME TIME,i would get back with him,repeatedly..so many times over the six years.

we see a lot of this in relationships,,about ,WHO BROKE UP WITH WHOM...as if the one who initiated the break up is the SUPERIOR ONE..

which is why, I AM OPENING UP MY PERSONAL LIFE here for everyone's judgement,JUST SO THAT,people can learn lessons...and i can learn some lessons too.

**************

EXCERPT 8 :PAGES 1-30-page 6

Your childhood may have involved problems of a subtler nature.

your mother's attitude towards you may have been jealous and competitive in private even though she showed you off and bragged about you in public,so that you ended up needing to do well to gain her approval and yet fearing the hostility your success generated in her.

MY PERSONAL ANECDOTE 8 :PAGES 1-30 -page 6

BINGO! not to diss my own mother or anything coz she is definitely a very talented educated smart lady..but let us say,she doesn't have the PARENTING GENE in her as much as i would have liked as a kid!`She was an okay parent,better than most parents,but not the kind of parent i wanted her to be.

This is a common childhood problem that women of my generation faced..We had all opportunities of education and jobs,but were brought up by mothers WHO HAD A TOUGH time gaining education or employment themselves and thus A LOT OF RESENTMENT was harbored by them during their childhood and youth and that resentment AUTOMATICALLY got converted into jealousy,when the mothers saw that their daughters had an easier life than them.

More about this dynamic in another blog entry of my own on the antidote to anger blog..for now,I am just quoting from the book ,k?

*****************

EXCERPT 9 :PAGES 1-30-page 7

It is this basic impairment that operates in women who love too much.we become unable to discern when someone or something is not good for us.

MY PERSONAL ANECDOTE 9 :PAGES 1-30 -page 7

I think,I am not completely unable to discern when something is not good for me.INFACT,my first instinct is BANG ON thousand percent accurate.But ,what bothers me is,I deliberately BRUSH OFF that instinct and pursue what I already know or percieve as bad for me ,almost like a danger seeker with a deathwish.This is not a SELF-PRESERVATION trait at all.

*****************

EXCERPT 10 :PAGES 1-30-page 7

The situations and people that others would naturally avoid as dangerous,uncomfortable ,or unwholesome do not repel us,because WE HAVE NO WAY OF EVALUATING THEM REALISTICALLY OR SELF-PROTECTIVELY.

MY PERSONAL ANECDOTE 10 :PAGES 1-30 -page 7

whoa..bang on,WORD TO WORD,something I must etch in my mind.

The men that other women in my own situation with my kind of talent and my kind of opportunities will REJECT ,I CHOOSE for myself,MORE SO AS A "project" ,"an ego boosting exercise" and as a "challenge"

What I must now understand is,when I do so,I WASTE MY OWN TIME...AND PROBABLY also am opening myself up to DAMAGE, that i don't deserve to expose myself to.

I must learn to be REPELLED by dangerous situations.

I must learn to be repelled by UNCOMFORTABLE situations.

I must learn to be repelled by unwholesome situations.

for instance>>>Interacting TOO MUCH with men who are five years or more my senior IS unwholesome!

why?

BECAUSE,too much interaction inevitably leads to BOND FORMATION

so many times,Heterosexual male-female interactions might lead to romantic involvement down the line..and such a thing happening between me and some older damaged needy man whom I view as a "project" is UNWHOLESOME and unrewarding for me.

I have my own job,my own money and I have remarkable men of my own age, running after me asking me out on a date....There is none of that " FINANCIAL DESPERATION" element to my seeking the attention of older men ,which is often the case when young women are okay with romantically involving themselves with OLDER MEN.

So,why do it? So,why the fuck am I doing it?

because I HAVE NO WAY OF EVALUATING SITUATIONS "realistically" OR "self-protectively" just like Robin norwood eloquently puts it!

lesson?

Be realistic .

Be self protective.

infact,BE SELFISH...Don't give unless you get an equal amount of "emotional and intellectual stimulation" back .

That is not being seflish,btw,it is being REALISTIC and self-protective.

Again,here,so many women are taught that GETTING SOMETHING BACK means engagement or marriage..THAT IS NOT WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT when i say, I must get an equal amount back..

I am talking about an equal amount of committment in terms of intellectual and emotional involvement and interaction that would enrich my life...

*********************

EXCERPT 11 :PAGES 1-30-page 7

We do not trust our feelings or USE THEM TO GUIDE US.

MY PERSONAL ANECDOTE 10 :PAGES 1-30 -page 7

Actually,I trust my feelings.I think my instinct and feelings are BANG-ON accurate and astute...But then,I don't USE THEM TO GUIDE ME...

I brush off all my instincts and then set out on the path of doom ,like an adventurer WHO WANTS TO DEMONSTRATE FOOLISH BRAVADO!

Lesson

:I must make note of my FIRST INSTINCT,infact,write it down on a blog or journal AND THEN USE it TO GUIDE ME..

no more BRAVADO for me.

************************

EXCERPT 12 :PAGES 1-30-page 7

Instead we are actually drawn to the very dangers,intrigues ,dramas and challenges that others with HEALTHIER AND MORE BALANCED BACKGROUNDS would naturally eschew.

MY PERSONAL ANECDOTE 12 :PAGES 1-30 -page 7

When i first became friends with mr.black,I NEVER INTENDED to date him.coz he was too ugly and too unremarkable.I had just broken up with my very handsome,very remarkable and very in "love-with-me" bf then AND I was emotionally vulnerable and wanted to throw myself fully into medical studies.

mr.black was in the same clinical clerkship team as me and we were the only two people RATTLING off answers to questions at bedside,so , i figured he would be a great friend and study partner.

SO,per say,I DIDN'T CHOOSE HIM for the drama,danger,intrigue or challenge or anything else..I didn't intend to get romantically involved with him at all.it happened over time.

I WAS FAR MORE HEALTHIER EMOTIONALLY,BACK THEN..you see,I HADN'T EXPOSED MYSELF TO MEN WHO WOULD DAMAGE ME...mr.black was the first,in what seems to be a line of men thereafter.

The next six years with him, was ALL OF DRAMA,INTRIGUE,DANGER AND CHALLENGES alone and nothing else..NOT,one ounce of positivity for me..

I FEEL LIKE MY INTERACTION WITH MR.BLACK damaged me a lot.!

When I finally broke up with him, i VOWED TO REVERSE THAT DAMAGE,AND NEVER EVER EVER GO NEAR DAMAGED MEN EVER.

But funnily,since then,INSPITE OF MYSELF,since then,the only men i seem to choose to get involved with are all about DRAMA,DAMAGE,DANGER,INTRIGUE AND CHALLENGES...

This a pattern with PREDICTABLE PROGRESSION AND PREDICTABLE DISASTOROUS RESULTS TOO just like robin norwood insists.

******************************

EXCERPT 13 :PAGES 1-30-page 7

And through this attraction we are further damaged ,because much of what we are attracted to is a replication of what we lived with growing up.We get hurt all over again.

MY PERSONAL ANECDOTE 13 :PAGES 1-30 -page 7

My family might not have been so bad..but I think, because I got involved with mr.black so young,he possibly was almost like a bad family i grew up with...

BEFORE MR.BLACK, i was never attracted to damaged men..I never meant to get involved with him romantically either...but eventually I did get involved with him,romantically and sexually!

I WAS NEVER ATTRACTED TO HIM ROMANTICALLY THAT WAY TO BEGIN WITH AND THE WHOLE SIX YEARS, ALL I DID WAS TO HATE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART..i hated him so much..but yet would not break up with him or even if i did, i would get back again ...

and through this involvement with him,I POSSIBLY GOT PRIMED with damaged people ...I possibly learned to relate to and sympathize with damaged men BECAUSE OF SUCH A PROLONGED INVOLVEMENT WITH MR.BLACK.

But since i broke up with mr.black,I have been (much to my own alarm) only choosing DAMAGED MEN.All my experiences with men since mr.black HAVE BEEN REPLICATIONS OF THAT SAME DAMAGE i experienced with him.

And all these subsequent choices have all been about being damaged further and I AM HURT ALL OVER AGAIN,just like Robin norwood says!

This is a pattern, THAT NEEDS TO BE BROKEN.

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Tags: Tags: Robin_norwood, psychiatry, psychology, family, support_system, dysfunctionality,dysfunctional_families, family_unit,quotes,women_who_love_too_much,book_review,11days300pages,love,desire,romance,women,

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DISCLAIMER:

I am a 34yr old board certified female physician aka medical doctor.I have studied enough psychiatry to write articles on human psychology and psychiatry with an informed authority.As is evident from this blog of mine,I do infact WRITE articles on various aspects of socio-psychology from time to time.

I personally frown upon plagiarism and thus HAVE TO INSIST that quoting from norwood's book is NOT an effort in plagiarism.I could very well attempt to write articles on the very topics I am now quoting using norwood's words,but since I notice,that she has already done such a good and eloquent job of writing about the topics I am discussing here and since my blogs are essentially advertisement free and since I don't earn any money from my blog entries,and since norwood's book was first published in 1985 and it has almost been more than 25 years since then,quoting words from her book for NON-COMMERCIAL educational purposes might qualify as FAIR-USAGE?

Just for the sake of copyright,I am going to provide the name of the publishers who currently are associated with the book .

The name of the book from which I am quoting excerpts is WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH.

The name of the publishers ?

POCKET BOOKS which is a DIVISION of SIMON AND SCHUSTER INC. ,NYC.

www.simonandschuster.com/

They have a website and if you wish to procure a copy of this book,surely,they are the right people to be contacted.Here I have to CLARIFY,that I have NOT been paid by them or anyone else ,to quote excerpts from this book,nor have I been paid in any form or kind ,to mention them or the book in my blog.I am just doing this to share some relevant parts of the book for educational purposes for the benefit of my blog readers.

This book was first published in 1984 by pocket books.The copy I own was purchased from an used book store in 2005 and was a 1997,special tenth anniversary edition.

I may not completely agree with EVERYTHING in this book.However,so many sections are relevant NOT just to women,but also to men even in today's circumstances and times,27years since the book was first published.

MY PERSONAL ADVICE ABOUT SELF-HELP BOOKS?

Whenever we read a book ,or read anything anywhere for that matter,IT IS UP TO US,to take and assimilate whatever applies to us and whatever strikes right to us and leave behind what our mind percieves as something we don't want to learn.

IT IS ALL A VOLUNTARY EFFORT OF SELF DISCOVERY.There is absolutely no need to AGREE with everything every self-help book writer says.But,if something in a book or blog ,TOUCHES A CHORD in you,then assimilate it into your being, is all I am saying.

To me,it felt like,norwood almost makes you feel BAD for wanting to help others ,coz,see,according to the book,if you try to help someone out,then that means there is something WRONG WITH YOUR HEAD?

pun apart,really though,THERE IS nothing wrong with wanting to help others.INFACT,there are chances that there MAY BE NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU,if you want to help others.Infact,helping others is a great idea too.

Probably what she is trying to say through this book is that HELPING OTHERS at the cost of your own physical and mental health IS A RED FLAG.And I agree but again,helping others is a great idea!

having said that,there are some other topics in her book,which are VERY RELEVANT ,for all of us,AS THINKING FEELING HUMAN BEINGS and as human beings who have emotionally shut ourselves down to a point of numbness.

This book was on the NUMBER ONE newyorktimes bestseller list.But,then,I don't really place much importance to the nytimes bestseller list,coz,all kindsa IDIOT BOOKS do make it to that list..so,yeah,don't go by bestseller lists.Just read and assimilate what you feel is right.k?

DAY 2-EXCERPTS FROM INTRODUCTION -I AM A WOMAN WHO LOVES TOO MUCH-DISCOVERING MYSELF BY READING THE BOOK

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This Blog article(EXCEPT EXCERPTS) is creative property of Dr.A.R aka LecinQblog.This blog article originally was written for and is meant to appear on any one of the blogs in this list

http://www.blogger.com/profile/15524952530919224387 .If you find this blog article anywhere other than on BLOGSPOT,please visit my original blog,find my email address and email me with details of where else you read this blog entry.All my blogs are AD-free blogs AND I completely frown upon someone else trying to make money off my blogs without my prior written permission.

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I AM A WOMAN WHO LOVES TOO MUCH-DISCOVERING MYSELF BY READING THE BOOK-DAY 2-INTRO

WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH by Robin Norwood

11 DAYS 300 PAGES.

I am a woman who loves too much

I am 34 years old, a female, a surgeon,artist,dancer,sporty and what not...

but,ONE FLAW.

I am a woman who loves too much .The men I choose to be with in my life have caused me to LOSE out on attaining meaningful milestones that I initially set out to achieve in my life by this age.

THIS IS A WAKE UP CALL

I have this book on my hands-A very old book,it has 299 pages....

I plan to read 30 pages each day,for the next 10 days and finish this book .

As I read,I will underline,QUOTABLE excerpts and also will underline,THINGS that are directly relevant to my life choices and analyze my life on a PUBLIC BLOG PLATFORM.

It takes guts and acceptance of myself TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT..i have both..I have guts and I have now mustered up acceptance too.

Robin norwood the author of this book says that ACCEPTING THE FACT THAT YOU ARE A WOMAN WHO LOVES TOO MUCH is the first step.

ACCEPTING that fact takes a lot of BEATING TO MY EGO.

To accept it,to say that something is wrong with my head and emotional intelligence,is hurting my ego..

but yes,,I ACCEPT.

I am a very intelligent person-I.Q is ABOVE AVERAGE.Took I.Q tests when i was 14 and the I.Q PEOPLE sent back a GLORIOUS REPORT...(one high point in my life)

I am a doctor-I AM VERY VERY GOOD AT diagnosis , surgical skills,analyzing medical data and being a GREAT DOCTOR...so,PER SAY..I am not crazy and looney or anything like that...(just clarifying)

I am very emotionally insightful and very emotionally sharp too.When I see dysfunctionality in other people's life,I IMMEDIATELY detect and make note of the SOURCE of their "problems".So,I am emotionally in touch...but not with my own emotions.:)))..(one more trait of women who love too much)

BUT

BUT,when it comes to my love life..I DELIBERATELY CHOOSE, "PROBLEM" personalities.

I choose UNWHOLESOME personalities to be with or to associate with romantically.

i don't want to make out these men as "crazy men" or "bad men".

THEY WERE JUST BAD TO ME..and bad for me..

Again,have to clarify,NO REAL SEVERE PHYSICAL ABUSE OR SOME SUCH..just emotional abuse or lack of consideration for my emotional health and wellbeing...They were bad to me emotionally or bad for my emotional well being.CONSISTENT emotional abuse,does make a person physically sick over time you see...psychosomatic transformation of emotional unwellness-(LIKE I STUDIED IN MED SCHOOL)

These blog articles are not an attempt to make those men look bad..Whether they are bad or not is NOT the question...

WHY THE HELL am i choosing men who ultimately are emotionally INAPPROPRIATE for me IS THE QUESTION..

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DAY 2-OCT 29 2013-excerpts from introduction and minor criticisms

==================

EXCERPT 1:INTRODUCTION

Robin norwood writes " In 1985 when this book was first published ,the concept that woman could love too much was a revolutionary idea whose time had come."

"I hoped that by writing the book I could change the way we as a culture think about love,hoped that rather than romanticizing all the MISERY engendered by being obsessed with a man,would become able to say ,"That's loving too much !" and learn a better,HEALTHIER WAY OF RELATING!

MY PERSONAL ANECDOTE:1 INTRODUCTION

My personal view on this issue is,,love was different in 1985 than it was in 1930 and love in 2013 is different from what it was in 1985.In this book, Norwood TOUCHES a lot of relevant areas of dysfunctionality in a family and in our lives,WHICH still when applied accurately ARE VERY apt . EVEN IN 2013..ofcourse,she doesn't cover new problems of love in the internet age..(maybe i must write a new book about this)

There are some very minor points i disagree with her on, in this whole book and I might as well list them out here ,since this particular EXCERPT blog entry is possibly going to be the smallest of all in this series.(there are going to be 12 entries in all about this book on this blog)

Things I disagree with here on are

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

a/She keeps mentioning zodiac signs and "believing in a higher power" and how it helps..HONESTLY,the lesser the UNKNOWN in our lives, the better for all us.

At one point in psychiatry,any patient who didn't believe in god was diagnosed as not having hope ...IMAGINE THAT...At that rate, galileo and plato and einstein were are all mental patients then?what the hell...Religion should always be kept seperate from science..

We don't need UNSCIENTIFIC methods like zodiac signs to predict behavior at all...There is no place for "ZODIAC" SIGNS in the science of psychiatry.

and definitely, we don't need "higher powers"!

All we need is our own OBJECTIVE POWERFUL LOGICAL UNBIASED THINKING.

Yes,given that some of us have gone through FAR TOO MUCH PAIN AND DAMAGE at times of utter helplessness, WE ARE ALL NOT GOING TO BE superlogically superstrong all the time .I UNDERSTAND THAT we are all going to feel powerful..

it is okay to feel powerless too,fell it .and then try to get to a stronger place on your own, is all I am saying!

Getting to a place of self-sufficiency is what should be our goal to attempt.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

b/She also almost makes it look like any woman who does well in school or excels at work is primarily doing so coz she is from some problem family and thus is trying to compensate for that...hmmmm

It is just possibly that a woman is doing well is school coz HER BRAIN is smart and she is genuinely super-talented and genuinely GOOD AT SCIENCE OR ART...

Honestly, PEOPLE EXCEL because they have the capacity in them to excel..irrespective of whether they are from problem families or not...and funnily,she applies this theory OF COMPENSATION only to females( No wonder she recieved some criticism from feminists when this book first published and released)

According to her,apparently,ofcourse,all smart talented achiever woman must have something wrong with them, according to her that is !...( i don't want to bash her here with a critical review though,coz ,there are so many things that are GOOD in this book,besides these minor criticisms)

This kind of thought process of showcasing achiever women in poor light, stems from a very chauvinistic society where PUTTING DOWN women achievers is a way of discrediting them and thus NOT allowing them to be a role model for younger women or men...and that is COMPLETELY unacceptable.

For me,SCIENCE comes very easily..i AM SMART...I am super smart infact...ideas,designs and understanding of science and art COMES VERY VERY EASILY TO ME...and if someone is going to tell me that I AM MIRACULOUSLY able to perform impeccable surgeries or draw very very superb portraits because my parents didn't love me so much and thus JUST TO IMPRESS THEM,overnight,I JUST WISHED MYSELF TO BE TALENTED AND THUS SUCCEEDED,then i complete OBJECT...

It takes innate talent to excel at science or art..it is not some PRACTICED BEHAVIOR .yes,it is hardwork,reading up all those textbooks of medicine..but i read them coz I LOVE THE FIELD OF SCIENCE AND MEDICINE

.If you are going to tell me that it is not possible for a person to have passion for science OR any other field, unless their parents didn't love them enough,THAT IS UTTER BULLSHIT.

if that would be the case..I WOULD RATHER THAT MORE children from broken families REALLY do practice such skills of converting their misery into talent in science or arts or GOOD performance at school and work.THAT IS CALLED PRODUCTIVE COPING..no?

Are you trying to tell me that BEING SMART OR BEING GOOD AT WORK IS A BAD THING?

I would like to contradict her here too and thus say.DEAR GIRLS, being good at work and exceling at school and college is a good thing...we don't care what the cause is...excelling at your school and work, will help you be a self sufficient adult and thus pave way for MORE GENDER EQUALITY IN SOCIETY..by avoiding all the mental problems that come into existence due to chauvinism and making breeding machine-sex concubines out of half the citizens of humanity!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

c/She almost always implies that anyone who is in the "HELPING" PROFESSIONS obviously is EMPTY in some way and thus by helping others they are filling that emptiness.

That is so so DISCREDITING to people WHO ARE DOING SUCH AN IMPORTANT JOB IN SOCIETY..

IT IS LIKE, branding people who are generous to others, as "crazy loonies" who are so foolish that they want to help people all coz they are so empty ..

Has it occured to here,that these woman are possibly helping others coz THEY FEEL SO FULL TO THEIR BRIM IN THEIR HEARTS WITH HAPPINESS AND POSITIVITY that they want to spread it around?that is a possibility too,no?

it is just possible that PEOPLE HAVE MENTALLY MATURED enough to be able to SEE THE BIGGER PICTURE IN LIFE,where a happy society is somewhere also helpful in contributing to each individual's sense of well being and thus being able to visualize the bigger pictures,allows them to want to help UNCONDITIONALLY?

In my opinion, a happy society is possible only when UNCONDiTIONAL HELP IS offered to needy people and thus, A LEVEL PLAYING FIELD is offered for everyone is society to heal and prosper.

TRYING TO BRAND "HELPERS" as some looney bins who are empty and are selfish is VERY VERY UNNECESSARY.

helping people is good,INFACT, all of us, MUST unconditionally help..AND even if people are helping just to have a sense of importance or purpose..the act of helping IS FAR MORE PRODUCTIVE than many other DESTRUCTIVE COPING MECHANISM that people indulge in to deal with their emptiness.

###########################################################

So IN SHORT,

my criticism would be

a/Girls MUST get a great education AND must STRIVE TO EXCEL...Striving to excel is a far better coping mechanism and more productive than sitting in one corner and blaming everyone for their non-productivity and depression

b/All "helping professions" are NOBLE professions..NO NEED TO BRAND these professionals as looney bins...Someone has to do these DEMANDING JOBS..coz,if everyone STOPPED HELPING, society would rot.

c/zodiac signs and god and other such bullshit BE BETTER kept away from science and psychiatry... science requires EVIDENCE-BASED hypothesis, and theory proving...speculation and story telling cannot be included in science..I would highly appreciate if psychiatrists stop mentioning HIGHER POWERS,AND ZODIAC SIGNS in their books or journal papers.

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=================================================================================================================

DISCLAIMER:

I am a 34yr old board certified female physician aka medical doctor.I have studied enough psychiatry to write articles on human psychology and psychiatry with an informed authority.As is evident from this blog of mine,I do infact WRITE articles on various aspects of socio-psychology from time to time.

I personally frown upon plagiarism and thus HAVE TO INSIST that quoting from norwood's book is NOT an effort in plagiarism.I could very well attempt to write articles on the very topics I am now quoting using norwood's words,but since I notice,that she has already done such a good and eloquent job of writing about the topics I am discussing here and since my blogs are essentially advertisement free and since I don't earn any money from my blog entries,and since norwood's book was first published in 1985 and it has almost been more than 25 years since then,quoting words from her book for NON-COMMERCIAL educational purposes might qualify as FAIR-USAGE?

Just for the sake of copyright,I am going to provide the name of the publishers who currently are associated with the book .

The name of the book from which I am quoting excerpts is WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH.

The name of the publishers ?

POCKET BOOKS which is a DIVISION of SIMON AND SCHUSTER INC. ,NYC.

www.simonandschuster.com/

They have a website and if you wish to procure a copy of this book,surely,they are the right people to be contacted.Here I have to CLARIFY,that I have NOT been paid by them or anyone else ,to quote excerpts from this book,nor have I been paid in any form or kind ,to mention them or the book in my blog.I am just doing this to share some relevant parts of the book for educational purposes for the benefit of my blog readers.

This book was first published in 1984 by pocket books.The copy I own was purchased from an used book store in 2005 and was a 1997,special tenth anniversary edition.

I may not completely agree with EVERYTHING in this book.However,so many sections are relevant NOT just to women,but also to men even in today's circumstances and times,27years since the book was first published.

MY PERSONAL ADVICE ABOUT SELF-HELP BOOKS?

Whenever we read a book ,or read anything anywhere for that matter,IT IS UP TO US,to take and assimilate whatever applies to us and whatever strikes right to us and leave behind what our mind percieves as something we don't want to learn.

IT IS ALL A VOLUNTARY EFFORT OF SELF DISCOVERY.There is absolutely no need to AGREE with everything every self-help book writer says.But,if something in a book or blog ,TOUCHES A CHORD in you,then assimilate it into your being, is all I am saying.

To me,it felt like,norwood almost makes you feel BAD for wanting to help others ,coz,see,according to the book,if you try to help someone out,then that means there is something WRONG WITH YOUR HEAD?

pun apart,really though,THERE IS nothing wrong with wanting to help others.INFACT,there are chances that there MAY BE NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU,if you want to help others.Infact,helping others is a great idea too.

Probably what she is trying to say through this book is that HELPING OTHERS at the cost of your own physical and mental health IS A RED FLAG.And I agree but again,helping others is a great idea!

having said that,there are some other topics in her book,which are VERY RELEVANT ,for all of us,AS THINKING FEELING HUMAN BEINGS and as human beings who have emotionally shut ourselves down to a point of numbness.

This book was on the NUMBER ONE newyorktimes bestseller list.But,then,I don't really place much importance to the nytimes bestseller list,coz,all kindsa IDIOT BOOKS do make it to that list..so,yeah,don't go by bestseller lists.Just read and assimilate what you feel is right.k?

I AM A WOMAN WHO LOVES TOO MUCH-DISCOVERING MYSELF BY READING THE BOOK-day 1 preface

This Blog article(EXCEPT EXCERPTS) is creative property of Dr.A.R aka LecinQblog.This blog article originally was written for and is meant to appear on any one of the blogs in this list

http://www.blogger.com/profile/15524952530919224387 .If you find this blog article anywhere other than on BLOGSPOT,please visit my original blog,find my email address and email me with details of where else you read this blog entry.All my blogs are AD-free blogs AND I completely frown upon someone else trying to make money off my blogs without my prior written permission.

=================================================================================================================

I AM A WOMAN WHO LOVES TOO MUCH-DISCOVERING MYSELF BY READING THE BOOK

WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH by Robin Norwood

11 DAYS 300 PAGES.

I am a woman who loves too much

I am 34 years old, a female, a surgeon,artist,dancer,sporty and what not...

but,ONE FLAW.

I am a woman who loves too much .The men I choose to be with in my life have caused me to LOSE out on attaining meaningful milestones that I initially set out to achieve in my life by this age.

THIS IS A WAKE UP CALL

I have this book on my hands-A very old book,it has 299 pages....

I plan to read 30 pages each day,for the next 10 days and finish this book .

As I read,I will underline,QUOTABLE excerpts and also will underline,THINGS that are directly relevant to my life choices and analyze my life on a PUBLIC BLOG PLATFORM.

It takes guts and acceptance of myself TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT..i have both..I have guts and I have now mustered up acceptance too.

Robin norwood the author of this book says that ACCEPTING THE FACT THAT YOU ARE A WOMAN WHO LOVES TOO MUCH is the first step.

ACCEPTING that fact takes a lot of BEATING TO MY EGO.

To accept it,to say that something is wrong with my head and emotional intelligence,is hurting my ego..

but yes,,I ACCEPT.

I am a very intelligent person-I.Q is ABOVE AVERAGE.Took I.Q tests when i was 14 and the I.Q PEOPLE sent back a GLORIOUS REPORT...(one high point in my life)

I am a doctor-I AM VERY VERY GOOD AT diagnosis , surgical skills,analyzing medical data and being a GREAT DOCTOR...so,PER SAY..I am not crazy and looney or anything like that...(just clarifying)

I am very emotionally insightful and very emotionally sharp too.When I see dysfunctionality in other people's life,I IMMEDIATELY detect and make note of the SOURCE of their "problems".So,I am emotionally in touch...but not with my own emotions.:)))..(one more trait of women who love too much)

BUT

BUT,when it comes to my love life..I DELIBERATELY CHOOSE, "PROBLEM" personalities.

I choose UNWHOLESOME personalities to be with or to associate with romantically.

i don't want to make out these men as "crazy men" or "bad men".

THEY WERE JUST BAD TO ME..and bad for me..

Again,have to clarify,NO REAL SEVERE PHYSICAL ABUSE OR SOME SUCH..just emotional abuse or lack of consideration for my emotional health and wellbeing...They were bad to me emotionally or bad for my emotional well being.CONSISTENT emotional abuse,does make a person physically sick over time you see...psychosomatic transformation of emotional unwellness-(LIKE I STUDIED IN MED SCHOOL)

These blog articles are not an attempt to make those men look bad..Whether they are bad or not is NOT the question...

WHY THE HELL am i choosing men who ultimately are emotionally INAPPROPRIATE for me IS THE QUESTION..

================================================================================================

DAY 1-OCT 28 2013

==================

EXCERPTS FROM PREFACE.-

note:excerpts are in blue,my own personal anecdotes are in black

EXCERPT 1:PREFACE

When we try to become his therapist,THAT MEANS,we are loving too much

MY PERSONAL ANECDOTE:

My last romantic interaction has been about me wanting to give some guidance to someone about their life...and mr.green, (my romantic involvement prior to the last one)started off with me wanting to counsel him on his alcoholism.

The truth of the matter is , 'THEY DON'T NEED MY HELP.Everyone is adult enough to help themselves if they truly want to help themselves.

-------------------------------------------

EXCERPT 2:

PREFACE

When our relationship jeopardizes our emotional well-being and perhaps even our physical health and safety ,we are definitely loving too much.

MY PERSONAL ANECDOTE:2

PREFACE

This rings true, hundred percent ,of all my romantic interactions with men.I choose men with personalities THAT ARE NOT COMPATIBLE with me,lots of arguments,lots of tears and lots of tears means loss of immunoglobulins lost in tears which inturn lead to low immunity and stress response in the body leading to ILL-HEALTH...

My med school boyfriend,who btw,I NEVER meant to date..but we hung around for so long together,that,over time,we just kinda got involved...I had no interest in him romantically to begin with at all...but well..never mind how it all happened,I will explain this in another more relevant context as i GO ALONG in this series...so,yeah,EACH DAY i would cry myself to sleep WHILE WITH HIM..It affected my physical health and med school performance A LOT..so,yes,I AM A WOMAN WHO LOVED TOO MUCH..coz, I DIDN'T BREAK UP WITH HIM,till I got out of med school and internship...that is 6 years of life wasted...

-------------------------------------------------

EXCERPT 3:

PREFACE

Some of us have become so obsessed with our partner and our relationship that we are barely able to function.

MY PERSONAL ANECDOTE:3:PREFACE

This is HUNDRED PERCENT true with all the romantic interactions i have had with men.

-----------------------------------------------------

EXCERPT 4:

PREFACE

Once we know a relationship is not meeting our needs,we nevertheless have such difficulty ending it

MY PERSONAL ANECDOTE:4

PREFACE

Like i mentioned above,by the second date, I knew that my med school friend/BF was not my type and he was A FRAUD...and yet,I TOOK 6 YEARS TO BREAK UP WITH THIS GUY..i should have just stopped talking to him that very second date and COULD HAVE SAVED SIX YEARS OF MY LIFE...but I waited TILL IT WAS TOO LATE.

---------------------------------------------------------

EXCERPT 5:

PREFACE

Like any addict we need to admit the severity of our problem before we can begin to recover from it

MY PERSONAL ANECDOTE:5

PREFACE

Somewhere during med school,I recognized THAT SOMETHING was wrong with me,coz,i didn't even like him AND YET,i would meet him each day and call and talk and cry and waste that day...and NOT BREAK UP...

I knew something was wrong..but ADMITTING THE SEVERITY of MY problem took place only much later...if I am choosing to be with such men,IT IS MY PROBLEM..no?

------------------------------------------------------------------------

EXCERPT 6:

PREFACE

Their personal histories revealed their need for both the SUPERIORITY and the suffering they experienced in their "savior" role and helped make sense of the depth of their addiction to a man who was in turn addicted to a substance.

MY PERSONAL ANECDOTE:6

PREFACE

Very true...I thought that my med school bf (LET US CALL HIM MR.BLACK from now on) was stupid..INFACT,he was really stupid..

and i knew that..

and i was the top 1 of the class..all through school and college

So why choose such a stupid guy to be with?

yeah,exactly...some need of mine for superiority and the need to be the savior i suppose.

This same need also caused me to be involved with MR.GREEN and now very recentlly mr.t...i WANT to teach them things about life and inner meaning..

ya know what..WHY THE FUCK IS THAT MY JOB NOW?they will learn about the depths of life on their own.

Given that they are both a decade older than i am..IF THEY CAN'T do that on their own,that is THEIR problem,not mine.Being their savior IS NOT MY JOB.

Also.mr.black needed anti-psychotic medication which he started talking shortly after we started dating,coz he broke windows during an argument.and i insisted he go see a psychiatrist and the psychiatrist prescribed anti-psychotic drugs

I WAS SHELL SHOCKED backTHEN to EVEN REACT...i could have broken up after that window breaking episode ,but no,I STAYED on and ruined my own life...

Mr.green as all readers of this blog know,was an alcoholic when I first started talking to him..I don't know if he still is one...possibly still is,who knows...

So,yes,I deliberately choose ADDICTIVE PERSONALITIES, to romantically interact with.

--------------------------------------------------

EXCERPT 7:

PREFACE

The woman's tendency is to become obsessed with a relationship-perhaps with just such a damaged and distant man.

MY PERSONAL ANECDOTE: 7

PREFACE

My two long term romantic involvements that have spanned years have been mr.black and mr.green and in my book, both are damaged and both are consistently distant...and both are addictive personalities..and guess what..THERE WAS NO FINANCIAL OBLIGATION or any other pressing compulsion THAT caused me to continue to be with them..I COULD HAVE EASILY WALKED OUT..but was OBSESSED with the relationships.yes! true..

--------------------------------------------------------------

EXCERPT 8:

PREFACE

We all need to deny what is too painful or too threatening for us to accept.DENIAL is a natural means of self protection ,operating automatically and unbidden.

MY PERSONAL ANECDOTE:8

PREFACE

Denial is such a comfort cushion..I always say this on twitter and my other blogs...and I have practiced denial-both consciously and unconsciously to MASK ugly undesirable TRUTHS .coz the truth really hurt my ego..

------------------------------------------------------------------

EXCERPT 9:

PREFACE

After all,you will most certainly be facing a struggle throughout those years ahead if you don't change your pattern of relating.But in that case,your struggle will not be towards growth but merely toward survival.

IF YOU CHOOSE to begin the process of recovery,you will change from a woman who loves someone else so much it hurts into a woman who loves herself enough to stop the pain

MY PERSONAL ANECDOTE:9

PREFACE

I choose the path of recovery, because i want all my struggle to be about GROWTH not mere survival.

thank you all ,,(bows to crowd)

I am putting my personal life out here for the whole world to read,coz someone has to come out and talk about it without shame,from my generation of people ,,so that fellow men and women can read,relate and choose their own life recovery path..

HUGS TO ALL..and read the rest of this series on this very blog.This blog is not just for women but men who have similar patterns too.

cheers!

==============================================================

=================================================================================================================

DISCLAIMER:

I am a 34yr old board certified female physician aka medical doctor.I have studied enough psychiatry to write articles on human psychology and psychiatry with an informed authority.As is evident from this blog of mine,I do infact WRITE articles on various aspects of socio-psychology from time to time.

I personally frown upon plagiarism and thus HAVE TO INSIST that quoting from norwood's book is NOT an effort in plagiarism.I could very well attempt to write articles on the very topics I am now quoting using norwood's words,but since I notice,that she has already done such a good and eloquent job of writing about the topics I am discussing here and since my blogs are essentially advertisement free and since I don't earn any money from my blog entries,and since norwood's book was first published in 1985 and it has almost been more than 25 years since then,quoting words from her book for NON-COMMERCIAL educational purposes might qualify as FAIR-USAGE?

Just for the sake of copyright,I am going to provide the name of the publishers who currently are associated with the book .

The name of the book from which I am quoting excerpts is WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH.

The name of the publishers ?

POCKET BOOKS which is a DIVISION of SIMON AND SCHUSTER INC. ,NYC.

www.simonandschuster.com/

They have a website and if you wish to procure a copy of this book,surely,they are the right people to be contacted.Here I have to CLARIFY,that I have NOT been paid by them or anyone else ,to quote excerpts from this book,nor have I been paid in any form or kind ,to mention them or the book in my blog.I am just doing this to share some relevant parts of the book for educational purposes for the benefit of my blog readers.

This book was first published in 1984 by pocket books.The copy I own was purchased from an used book store in 2005 and was a 1997,special tenth anniversary edition.

I may not completely agree with EVERYTHING in this book.However,so many sections are relevant NOT just to women,but also to men even in today's circumstances and times,27years since the book was first published.

MY PERSONAL ADVICE ABOUT SELF-HELP BOOKS?

Whenever we read a book ,or read anything anywhere for that matter,IT IS UP TO US,to take and assimilate whatever applies to us and whatever strikes right to us and leave behind what our mind percieves as something we don't want to learn.

IT IS ALL A VOLUNTARY EFFORT OF SELF DISCOVERY.There is absolutely no need to AGREE with everything every self-help book writer says.But,if something in a book or blog ,TOUCHES A CHORD in you,then assimilate it into your being, is all I am saying.

To me,it felt like,norwood almost makes you feel BAD for wanting to help others ,coz,see,according to the book,if you try to help someone out,then that means there is something WRONG WITH YOUR HEAD?

pun apart,really though,THERE IS nothing wrong with wanting to help others.INFACT,there are chances that there MAY BE NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU,if you want to help others.Infact,helping others is a great idea too.

Probably what she is trying to say through this book is that HELPING OTHERS at the cost of your own physical and mental health IS A RED FLAG.And I agree but again,helping others is a great idea!

having said that,there are some other topics in her book,which are VERY RELEVANT ,for all of us,AS THINKING FEELING HUMAN BEINGS and as human beings who have emotionally shut ourselves down to a point of numbness.

This book was on the NUMBER ONE newyorktimes bestseller list.But,then,I don't really place much importance to the nytimes bestseller list,coz,all kindsa IDIOT BOOKS do make it to that list..so,yeah,don't go by bestseller lists.Just read and assimilate what you feel is right.k?

　

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