kind and giving plunder

KIND AND GIVING ,kind and giving and people just want to plunder the
kind giver till the giver is left with nothing and has to start high
and dry after giving.

videos-singing voice

found videos of myself from 2005 where i seem to have had the wisdom
to record myself singing my favorite songs.boy, I DO SING SO
WELL,BLESS ME!

videos-snacks and jokes

found videos of myself from 2005 making snacks and explaining them and
making giggly jokes while i am at it.No wonder men just fall in love
with me like that

videos-laundry journals

found videos of myself from 2005 doing laundry and doing a video
journal while doing laundry explaining why i love living
alone.awww,cuteness!

videos -elvis

found videos of myself from 2005 where i am sewing and explaining
elvis's lifestory to my mom..I am such a chirpy bird,If i may say so
myself.....awww

Miss olivia-playing for the galleries

Miss olivia-playing for the galleries-
every move is to show everyone she is doing well.
The fact that she feels the need to do that says SHE IS NOT DOING WELL.

CRAZY BOQUET LADY

CRAZY BOQUET LADY,
why so much rejoicing over catching the wedding boquet?
weren't you married before and did you not fuck it up royally?
what?
you want to get married every two years and fuck it all up each time?
or wait , are the sponsors paying you to showcase wedding gear?

Deceptive fuckheads

i don't trust the integrity of people who secretly read my journal and
then come try to talk to me about the same topics i write in my
journal.
Deceptive fuckheads!

dawn on you

it is day one now, and by the tenth day and by the sixth month it will
finally dawn on you that i am gone forever..yet again.coulda shoulda
woulda?

glowing in neverlove

I am glowing in your love these days.
NEVER knew we would meet like this again
after a decade.
NEVER IN MY WILDEST DREAMS

figuring out ten years

at this point in life?
you need me more than i need you!
infact? I DON'T NEED YOU AT ALL.
I figured out how to run my life without you TEN YEARS AGO,
when you left me wondering what happened there!

a confident man

I want a confident guy
who wants me while he is confident.
coz i am worth that.
I don't want a guy who is insecure a
nd chooses me coz he is not confident.
THAT PUTS ME DOWN...i deserve a confident man.

advantageous real

I know i really love you .
there is real love!
But ,the situation almost looks like ,
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF ME
and i am taking advantange of you too.

SO, this love we have now?
IT IS NOT REAL.
It is circumstancial.
IT IS REAL but yet not real

lesser

I don't want to feel lesser than somebody else just coz you don't know
how to love properly.

now?

oh, NOW, now you want to marry me?
You DON'T know the value of a good thing when you actually have it ,
but want it after it gets lost?
BLAH!

sleep over this

I am gonna sleep over this each day every night
till finally i can forget this like it never happened.
I OWE THIS FAVOR TO MYSELF.

you and me

i am just UPSET you know ,
i am just upset about a lot of things.
WE COULD HAVE HAD A whole ten years together by now.
A WHOLE ten years of perfect love bliss.
JUST YOU AND ME..
and you went and ruined it by marrying someone else...
(THIS IS MAKING ME CRY, don't you understand)

alone happy!

Maybe i am destined to LIVE ALONE all my life
and this is fine proposition
as long as i have a long HEALTHY LIFE
and i can take care of myself
and do justice to all my talents
and make something out of them..
THAT IS ALL I WANT.
alone makes me happy,actually!

compromising right mind?

You are not in your right mind right now
and neither am i in my right mind right now
judging by what i am feeling
and how i am behaving and
because neither of us is in their right mind,
WE CAN'T CALL THIS LOVE..
this is not love,
THIS IS "COMPROMISE" for both of us

utter

I think of him
and then utter, " my baby!!"
and then i cry some buckets of tears.

I AM SO TOUCHY right now.JUST LEAVE ME ALONE

tattoos and kids

you can remove tattoos
but you can't send a kid back into the womb can you?
AND I LOVE KIDS
and because of that i can't NOT LOVE the kid,
the kid you had with someone else after you left me to fend for myself.
THAT KID, i am going to sit and love ,
coz i innately don't have it in me to NOT LOVE a kid..
because kids warm my heart.

own you for a bit- containing rivers and oceans-the megalomaniac

i wanted to own you a certain way at a certan point in life.
alas, that couldn't happen.
NOW I CAN'T OWN YOU THE WAY I ONCE WANTED.
too much water under the bridge
and who can contain moving water, right?
that is a whole ocean to own if i wanted to own rivers that went under
the bridge .
and that is not possible even if i fancy myself to be a megalomaniac.

not mine anymore

he is sweet
and he is going through a lot,
i can understand ,
but HE IS NOT MINE TO HAVE ANYMORE..(cries profusely)

try me

i did my best.
I TAUGHT YOU WHAT REAL LOVE IS ALL ABOUT .
I told you to try me and i allowed you to try me.
I DID MY BIT.
now i must go,
because if i stayed anymore,
THE REAL ME WILL VANISH
AND I WILL BECOME A SHADOW OF THE REAL ME.
i have nothing left in me to give you without actually losing
something in the process.
SO, i need to go now, i need to go now.

withdrawing power

see, now i know that you do love me..
NOW YOU DO LOVE ME
and now i have all the power in the world
AND I DON''T WANT TO BE THAT PERSON THAT ABUSES POWER.
which is why i am withdrawing.
I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE THAT PERSON

functional depressions

I need to learn a way to STAY FUNCTIONAL even in my deepest of depressions.
I NEED TO CONTINUE TO FUNCTION come rain or shine ;
because life and time are too precious to be wasted like that.

yet again!

now i won't email you anymore.
because you have had enough of my words so far.
words enough to last you a lifetime.
it hurts me to know it won't amount to anything, yet again.

why again!

I don't want to talk to you anymore.
I WILL be RELIEVED when all this finally will be a distant memory.
the faster it fades the better it is for me.
ENOUGH, AND NOT AGAIN and again and again.
why?why again?

happen to

you see,
i want to walk away before you start transforming into that parasitic monster,
the kind of monster i have come to know too well
and I DON'T HAVE IT IN ME
TO ALLOW that kind of emotional abuse happen to me.ever again!

tags

1/unstable
2/drama
3/bipolar?(wtf)
4/diatribe

unknowingly

i thought real hard before i started to talk to you again because i
knew I WOULD CRY LIKE I DID .
but i wanted this chance to talk coz i wanted to let you know what
kinda damage you did back then to me, whether knowingly or
unknowingly!

cry baby

anyways i am crying even if am talking to you.
might as well stop talking to you , CRY IT OUT, DRY THE TEARS OUT AND
MOVE ON.seriously!

fiercely lastng

you love just like i do.
YOU LOVE FIERCELY AND PROTECT FIERCELY THE ONE YOU LOVE.
too bad you don't love me and all your fierce protection is reserved for others.
even if you offer me that now, I DON'T WANT IT ANYMORE.
i wanted it once and NOW I DON'T WANT IT,COZ,SEE,someone else offered
their fierce protective love AFTER you left me, love enough to last me
a lifetime and to keep me feeling like a queen for all my life.

overkill

i want you to want me for me..i am worth that , don't you think? i
don't want you want me coz you are lonely.I AM AN OVERKILL for that
purpose

http://the-not-so-daily-ramble-blog.blogspot.com/2013/12/becoming-35buddhas-enlightenmentand.html #birthday

dating history of stupids

when a guy asks me out, i take one look at his dating history and if
it is filled with stupid women,I REFUSE.Past history is an indicator
of his psyche!

worthless

if you make worthless beings part of your life, your life will become
worthless..everyone needs to be returned from the gate.NEVER LET THEM
IN

free sweets

I am letting every random mother fucker come along to take a lick and
a bite of the free candy i am putting out on my porch.NO MORE FREE
SWEETS HERE.fuck off!

taste

I just gave you a taste of what you didn't get.what you will never get either..

spittoon

do I look like a spittoon to you?

Expletives explained! -C#nt

I always used to think that the expletive CUNT meant just >>>:: a very
manipulative deceptive person" till someone twitter ,pointed out to me
that
Historically,
the word " cunt "
initially meant only VAGINA
and then slowly it became synonymous with a "deceptive manipulative person"
and yet,still,cunt also continues to be used to mean vagina as well!!!

...gasp!

What does that say about the gender_dynamics and gender_sensitization
in english speaking chauvinistic cultures?

#gender_dynamics, #vagina , #expletives_that_are_OFFENSIVE_to_women ,
#female_defamatory_expletives, #expletives

Please note that this article is a double post.it is being posted both on my
ANTIDOTE TO ANGER BLOG
LECINQBLOG.BLOGSPOT.COM
simultaneously,for the benefit of both readers!

European americans!

no one is calling white americans as european americans and funnily
every other immigrant or slave descendant gets a country or continent
tag..Why is that?

Learn everyday!

The more you learn,the more your mind expands and the less ignorant
you become,and learning is a life long effort,you learn everyday!LEARN

The gift of magi syndrome-part 1

British invaders gave native americans #small_pox which wiped out
millions of them.
Native americans gave british invaders tobacco.Tobacco causes cancer
and kills tons of people each year in america and the world today
Whose gift was better?
This is called " the_gift of magi"

#gifts #o_henry #my favorite_writer #the_gift_of_magi

#kenyan people with very poor vocabulary in #swahili to a point where they can be poetic and expressive only in english,makes me just #sad

pre spanish south american languages!

I think,all #Hispanics must try to revive their own native indigenous
languages pre-dating the spanish invasion in the #americas -especially
#mayan,other ancient #tribal languages!

#mayan
#linguistics
#loss_of_linguistic_traditions

Misplaced loyalties

It is funny how illegal immigrant hispanics are busy trying to force
you speak to them in spanish while having forgetten their own
indigenous languages!

The right thing

Doing the right thing and trying to do the right thing and making an
effort always to do the right thing must become very very important to
all of us!

buddha preached #veganism.He was a vegan himself.So,it is ironic to watch #mongoloid_race_buddhists offering meat dishes to #buddha.seriously,what?

#Buddha preached #non_materialism.so,it is #ironic to watch #mongoloid_race_buddhists burning #paper_money infront of #golden_buddhas.gee!

The word BUDDHA is derived from the #sanskrit word BUDDHI which means INTELLECT.So, BUDDHA means the "enlightened one"

women who agree to be #housewives are helping propogate and survive an #ABUSIVE_social_system much akin to #prostitution and #slavery,only,sugar coated!

oh,women will not change their last names after marriage for the same reason that men don't change their last names after marraige #gender_equality

half the world's population is female and by virtue of their very birth and existence,they OWN equal rights,no one need to GIVE them equal rights!

girl kids are born with equal rights and then those equal rights are taken away by chauvinistic societies.Equality is not some favor men are DOING for women!

I want to give birth to #daughters from my very #womb,but,before that,I will personally ensure that there is #gender_equality all over the world!

alarming rate of #extremist_converstion of previously #neutral_minded_religious_followers in #indonesia paving way for #gender_based_dress_prescriptions

i request the saudi king and parliament to amend and female discriminatory laws in their country and become a pioneer in gender equality in the middle east

testes and nipples

testes perk up in cold weather just like nipples.If all women started
staring at men's groins to see if they are perking up in the
cold,maybe then,men will stop staring at women's nipples during a cold
breeze?assholes!

how to clean your genitalia

this is a very good video demonstration for nurse assistants , on
how to clean male genitalia.
the same method can be employed by men to clean their own genitalia
in the shower each day http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9sT8vdg0PA

#personal_hygeine, #genital_hygeine , #daily_shower, #keep_your_genitalia_clean

y and b

in 2011,mr black adviced me to STOP being so picky and just find
someone while I am still YOUNG and beautiful..SO ESSENTIALLY, i must
use my beauty and youth as a selling point to catch a husband I
suppose?exposes his business like views on love and marriage,no?

conflicted

why am i always so conflicted when it comes to love..either I am
choosing such wrong people that my logical mind then causes the
conflict or maybe i have committment fear or fear of loss of
control.who the bleep knows!

catch 22

You have no idea how much of a catch 22 this is.

unsaid

I cannot acknowledge the unsaid can I now..if you want me to
officially acknowledge it you have to COME OUT and say it to me :)

tire

I can't sit and tire myself out with such people.have i not learned
enough already with mr black and mr green?my time and life MUST MEAN
SOMETHING TO ME.

4

bought a four colored pen at the bookstore and thoroughly enjoying
shifting colors using the shift switch and writing in colors.I AM SUCH
A KID

full mouth cuteness

I saw this little monkey stuff its whole mouth and buccal gutters with
food and continue to chew on tv.SO SO CUTE...just like a human with a
full mouth.so cute

journal-food diary-feb 1 day 1

FEB1 WENT VEGAN AGAIN...HAVING very very successfully and happily been
vegan for 3 years,this time I KNOW EXACTLY HOW TO GO ABOUT IT

http://ecology-blog.blogspot.com/2014/02/documentary-marathon-mania-earthlings.html my #earthlings #review

http://ecology-blog.blogspot.com/2014/02/documentary-marathon-mania-earthlings.html
my #earthlings #review


Tags: #VEGANISM, #VEGANS, #VEGAN ,#ARE_HUMANS_CARNIVORES ,
#FRUITARIAN, #VEGETARIAN, #OVOLACTOVEGETARIAN , #LACTOVEGETARIANISM ,
#BUDDHA , #BUDDISM , #ENVIRONMENTAL_VEGAN, #ETHICAL_VEGAN,
#HEALTH_BUFF_VEGAN ,#EARTHLINGS ,#DOCUMENTARIES_ON_VEGANISM, #HEALTH,
#DAIRY_FARM , #PLIGHT_OF_FARM_ANIMALS , #COWS , #PIGS ,#hens,
#ANIMAL_SLAUGHTER , #HEALTHY_FOOD , #KINDNESS , #COMPASSION ,
#ARE_HUMANS_ALTERING_ECOLOGICAL_BALANCE, #HUMAN_DIET_AND_ECOLOGY ,
#DAIRY_INDUSTRY_AND_AGGRESSIVE_MARKETING,
#AGGRESSIVE_MARKETING_CAMPAIGNS_PROPOGATING_FOOD_FADS,#PROTEIN ,
#ANIMAL_SOURCES_OF_PROTEIN,
#ARE_ANIMAL_SOURCES_OF_PROTEIN_HEALTHY_FOR_HUMANS , #FIBER_IN_DIET,
#PROTEIN_SOURCES_RICH_IN_FIBER ,#DOCUMENTARY, #DOCUMENTARY_REVIEW

http://an-antidote-to-anger.blogspot.com/2011/04/about-kicking-dog-and-passing-buck-of.html #anger #blog #read

journal-twilight monkeys

Just at twilight,right in those minutes when the sun started setting,
family of monkeys jumps onto the tree opposite my balcony and I grab
the camera the take quick pictures before the light fades
Tags: #tropical_countries, #monkeys, #photography, #twilight , #apes ,
#tree , #journal

unfair sacrifices

Expecting someone to make enormous amounts of unfair sacrifices while
you claim to love them is a form of abuse,,a very self centered
selfish kind of "love"

Tags: #love, #selfish , #sacrifice , #self_centered , #chauvinism ,
#chauvinistic_thoughtless_entitlement

journal-10,4,3,2

Jan 21st,we talked for four hours,I cried three times and Puked two times..
I puked because I ate ROTTEN RICE..coz I am a food_poisoning_bravado...
and I cried coz ,complicated stress causes congregated in tears
and we talked,coz,we were hungry for each other .
and then,that night,I imagined making love to him ten times..and each
time I had an orgasm
games of the mind I say!
tags: #mr_purple, #old_love, #youngin_love,
#love,#friends,#old_friends,#orgasms,#masturbation,#crying,#puking,#complicated,#stress

Going silent on me

hmmmmm.
a part of me still wants to talk to you
but most part of me congratulates itself at knowing the right way to
sabotage any rekindling of old connections that was almost happening
these past ten days!
I did it,I ruined it , coz,it is for the best.
ten years over...Just when I thought peace prevailed.
I went all over again and explored old beaus...NOT A GOOD IDEA.
PART of me did it coz it was a sure thing you won't write back..
but you did write back and kept writing back,till i told you not to
I hate it ,i hate it that THE SITUATION is not what i want.so,
hmmm
mmmmmmmm
I am not sure if you are sad too...but I sure am...HUGS
Tags:mr_purple,friendship,love,sadness,break_ups,misunderstanding,silence.

journal-Rhinorrhea,myalgia

The night before last night,a strange feeling at the back of throat
next night,pain on tonsils and blocked nose
now ,rhinorrhea and myalgia
I AM Demonstrating THE TEXTBOOK CHRONOLOGY of viral
colds...apparently,i have NOT managed to catch this virus in 35 years
of my life and now have suddenly come across it?or it is one of those
neuraminidases flu thingie?surface antigen tranformation and all.
whatever...
I am glad,I don't have THAT MUCH myalgia..not that much fever..not
that much discomfort,thanks to the good sleep,good food,good rest and
such.
TAgs:Microbiology,cold,public_health,when_doctors_get_sick,virus,influenza_virus

Journal-blowing nose

So,because of this viral cold,the whole night was spent tossing and
turning ,blowing my nose every ten minutes with my bare fingers while
still half dreaming dreams and then smearing my snot onto my smooth
bedspread while still trying to get some sleep.

it was only serous nasal secretions,not mucus or purulent or
anything...so,it is okay to have smeared like that on the bed..
I could have gotten up and gotten myself a box of tissues or a
handkerchief to blow my nose into,but,see,I just had to do the finger
thing...hmmmm
whatever.
Tags:Journal

Never be

Never be with someone who uses you to improve their IMAGE,their
credibility and their self esteem.
insecure messed up heads need time alone.
and you want no part of that healing time.
let them do it alone.
I just fear that your attempts at being SAVIOR of damaged women is
going to end up making you JADED and damaged and tempered to stupid
women!

Tags:Mr_u,miss_olivia,advice,friendship,soul_replica,old_love

on your side

I am glad you recognize that I am on your side...good to know your
emotional brain is still functioning right!
Tags:mr_u,old_love,soul_replica,friendship

risky douchebag

At the risk of coming across as a womanizing douchebag to the whole
wide world,I WANT YOU TO BREAK UP WITH HER.
Because,to me,YOUR EMOTIONAL HEALTH is the most important thing.
preservation of your integrity is the most important thing.

break up with her at the risk of being LABELED, "broken bird" and
other such manipulative bullshit labels,people might choose to slap on
you.

why?
it hurts me to watch you be with women who DON'T DESERVE YOU one teeny
weeny bit.
This idiot woman is NOT GOOD ENOUGH for you.
It hurts me to watch you be manipulated emotionally.

I DON'T LIKE FRAUDS and I am afraid,you are only dating fraud after
fraud after fraud AND you definitely DON'T DESERVE to be with frauds!

IS IT SO DIFFICULT TO BE ALONE for as long as it takes,to find the right one?
absolutely not.

BEING ALONE AND EVEN LONELY is just fine.
being lonely and settling down and settling for less is NOT FINE.

hugs,cheers,

others might have to WATCH THEIR WORDS,while talking to you,
I DON'T NEED TO,I can say exactly say what I AM THINKING and I know
you value my advice.

i am your friend ,I am on your side and i want you to do well.
k?
hugs

Tags: Mr_U,Miss_olivia,Fraud,manipulative_women,inadequate_messed_up_women,love,
advice,friendship,soul_replica

http://poetry-and-poise.blogspot.com/search/label/cutest_compliments_from_mr_green

"Cutest compliments from me green to me" series.
This series of articles has been posted on my POETRY AND POISE BLOG..
Feel free to browse around the archives in my other blogs too.
Links to all my blogs can be found at the top of my blog pages right
below the blog header picture.

Tags: #mr_green , #compliments , #cutest_compliments_from_mr_green ,
#12days300pages , #healing_pathway_plan , #erasing_memories , #love ,
#lust , #violation , #love_on_the_internet , #internet_romance ,
#romance , #all_about_mr_green_series #psychology #relationships

The candy underwear idiot!

When you take some fucking IDIOT jumping around in candy underwear and
give her woman of the year award,what you are doing is,you are setting
low standards for women in the music industry and also POOR,low
quality,role models for girl kids in general

The real smart women of america needs to get MORE MEDIA COVERAGE AND
MORE AWARDS and all the candy underwear idiots and the big butted
assholes need to go get some real education.

Tags:chauvinism,idiot_women,Poor_role_models_for_girls,girls_for_STEMM,
feminism,music_industry,hollywood,skewed_sexuality,PBS_MAKERS_OF_AMERICA,women_in_popular_media

The highlight of each of my days nowadays!

John guttag's COM SCI lectures that I take as part of MIT OCW ,each
night ,as the last thing I do before i go off to sleep IS BY FAR,
the highlight of my day..
the best part of my day...
the joy of learning
the enrichment of mind.
thoroughly loving it each day so far.

Tags:john_guttag,people_who_remind_me_of_my_dad,learning, MIT_OCW,
LEARNING,highlight_of_my_day,lifestory,happiness,joy,enlightenment

Not so single,not so perfect

hmmm.so,you are not so single as it appeared now for a just a bit and
not so perfect as it appeared now for just a bit,
so,suddenly I discover,how imporant it is to COME out and ask those
difficult questions,even if it is to some long lost love you meet ten
years later.
Tags:mr_purple,single,perfect,difficult_questions,long_lost_love

Mr.R's plantar fascitis

Mr.r all of a sudden tweets about the plantar fasciitis he has been
ailing from for the past year...So,for a whole year ,his tweets never
REALLY reflected his actual health status?
hmmmmm.
Either ways,he now has STOPPED RUGBY coz he has torn one of his knee
ligaments too.
hmmmm.the rugby man and marathon runner is now totally taking rest?awwww.
TAgs:mr_T,rugby,plantar_fasciitis,marathon,sunshine_in_my_life

Predicament!

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=======

　

okay,ten years ago,I really and wholeheartedly thought that he is the one for me.

To the point of showing his pics to my mom and what not..

Even to this day,when i close my eyes and think of him as just a boy with no strings attached and me as just a girl with no strings attached,I FEEL LIKE WE ARE RIGHT FOR EACH OTHER..

which is why,in 2007,when he got married to someone else ,I CRIED..i cried and i felt like he did a mistake.

SEVEN YEARS after that,he is NOW SINGLE,i am now single too...

but see,he was married...he has a kid from that marriage...

and now,we both are single AND YET,i can't be with him,BECAUSE,

I don't want to be someone's consolation prize

I CAN'T BE SOMEONE'S SECOND WIFE...

I CAN'T BE THAT..ever,,,

if i have to become someone's wife..I HAVE TO THEIR FIRST AND ONLY WIFE...

so,yeah,the man whom i thought was the love of my life and a perfect match for me..IS NOW SINGLE and now wants to be with me..AND I am single too,

BUT I CAN'T BE WITH HIM,,because..i was right there for him to have,when he went and married someone else...

so,yeah,I CAN'T BE WITH SOMEONE ,who kinda thought someone else was a better match for him than i was...

sad..

sad

sad

sad sad

coz...when we were both together..for that wee bit of time.I THOUGHT we were perfect for each other...

we still are perfect for each other,BUT ,we can't be together..coz,

FOR SEVEN YEARS,he left me wondering,what went wrong.

i can't be a consolation prize.i can't be a second wife..

i can't be with a divorced man...

i can't be with a man who already had a kid from someone else.

I CAN'T DO THAT..for my own sake and for the sake of my own self esteem.

sO,YEAH,BACK THEN,you were just a boy and i was a just a girl AND WE WERE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER..

we are still the same boy and girl, and we are stil perfect for each other,,but see,

KIDS cannot just be ignored...YOUR KID is a constant reminder of those seven years and that darling kid is such a sweetheart too..I can't be a step mom to that kid.I could be his darling aunt yes,but i can't be his stepmom,,HARD TO DIGEST FOR ME MYSELF.i can't be that.

and I DON'T WANT TO BE THAT THIRD WHEEL..ever.

even if ,now ,it is just you and me,two sad worn out wheels,I still am always going to be that third wheel when it comes to that equation with your ex wife ,and your kid with her and that solid bond that the kid kinda sealed in some way for you both.

even if now ,you are single..WE CAN'T BE TOGETHER..COZ,see,I WAS RIGHT THERE..and we were perfect for each other and you ruined that perfection by marrying someone else..

NOW ,OUR COMING TOGETHER IS ONLY SAD..accidental and sad.

i don't want that

I WANT NEW LOVE.

i want to be with someone to whom i will be the first and only wife ever..

I WANT SOMEONE with no kids and no reminders from the past.

I want someone with no baggage

i can't be with someone who chose someone else,when i was right there and available.,though that someone is possibly perfect for me..

:(((

sad

sad

sad

And yet,I loved you and i love you and I think you are the sweetest man kid i ever knew...the man boy,the sweet simpleton,the smart child.

HUGS,KISSES..i will always love you.

AND NOW,THIS IS MAKING ME CRY...BECAUSE, i can't say no to talk to you and i can't stop being your shoulder to cry and yet,I HAVE TO stop myself real hard FROM GETTING INVOLVED...

crying now

Do you know how much i cried when you said on messenger that you proposed to her?

I BET YOU HAD NO IDEA..

And now you are here,afraid to ask me out and it is written all over your face.

and yet,I HAVE TO SAY NO,say no to the love of my life.

This is what you call a PREDICAMENT.

The stolen phone calls,the birthday wishes,the long voice mails,the silences,the sharing of stories,they are all coming back to my mind in a flash and this is sad and it hurts in a sweet chiding painful way.

tags: #Mr_purple, #Physics , #love ,#love_story , #life , #childhood_love , #EMOTIONS, #young_love , #sharing , #bond

monsters making me a disbeliever?

i think,
it was my relationship with mr.black that made me suddenly decide not
to want kids and also,over time,to become atheist.
says a lot about the kind of experiences i had due to my association with him.

now,because of mr.green,i don't believe in marriages,engagement
rings,or the happy family photos people post on facebook and social
media..


Both these monsters have given me a glimpse into HOW FAKE IT ALL
IS...and how meaningless it all can be.

mr.black's mere personality and the fact that i got stuck with him in
life,at the prime of my youth, automatically SCIENTIFICALLY proved to
me that a CONCEPT OF GOD cannot be true...
coz,if god really existed,THEN,he or she would not have allowed this to happen.

and for some reason i thought i was going to be stuck with mr.black
forever and no one could get me out of that hell .
and since he was a messed up fuck, i decided that NOT HAVING KIDS was
the only option i had if i had to be stuck with a pedophilic
incestuous closet gay monster with a thousand other flaws that
mr.black was or is!


BOTH MR.BLACK and mr.green have finally made me realize what monster
minds are all about and the fact that I ALLOWED such monsters into my
life is indicator that something is wrong with my emotional
intelligence.

VERY RELIEVED that neither of these men are a part of my life
anymore.and i hope,I LEARNED MY LESSONS..and hope i have the good
sense to NEVER HELP such personalities anymore in life!

Tags:monsters,mr_black,mr_green,deceptions,atheist,agnostic,god,happy_facebook_family_photos,fake,fraud,pedophile,incest,closet_gay_men,assholes,damage,violation,sadness

Adios stupidity

This is almost a journal entry of sorts,hence,am putting it on this blog.

So,yeah,last month,I kinda removed the last blog that was associated with mr.u.
however,his own blog slipped my mind,while deleting all blogs connected to him.
I made a blog note of that moment when i deleted that last blog
connected to him too,just to make a note as to when COMMON-SENSE
finally entered my head!

and well, the next time i opened my READING LIST,his own blog appears
with new entries..."whaaa! oh,I forgot to remove his blog"
hmmmmm.

out of a last desire to not KICK him out of my mind completely,I just
let it be..

Then,out of the blue,I decided to send him a note.
YEAH.
I actually sent him a note last month.

and then within a day of me sending a note to him,HE POST a blog,

he posts something utterly insensitive to the subject matter of my
advice to him in the note i sent him!

either he didnt' get time to read up the note i sent him and he posted
this blog quite oblivious to the advice i sent him in the note...
or infact,he read my note and made a very disrepectful decision of
defiance against my advice and posted that blog entry.

it was a picture...and a picture says a thousand words...
anyways..whichever,whatever.who cares now!

AND

the first thing i uttered in my head when i read that his blog entry
was, "NOW,that is what we call BEING STUPID my friend!"

That is when i realized what a different person he has become..
I am starting to think that probably THIS IS WHAT HE TRULY WAS RIGHT
FROM THE BEGINNING...AND HE PROBABLY HAD A FACADE all this while?

now the true him is coming out?
I don't know.

Anyways,now i understand WHY IT HAS BEEN SO EASY for me to disengage
from him altogether THESE PAST YEARS!

it has been ten years SINCE I FIRST came across this man.about time i think.

So,yeah,just now, a few minutes ago,I DELETED HIS BLOG from my reading list too.

FIN.

adios stupidity?
your stupidity and mine too...

now,i will never know what is happening to him or his world...I HAVE
ZERO CONTACT..

the only time i might get to know something is ,if and when, i see his
name on TV..
and maybe i must cancel my cable too.blah!LOL

tAGS:MR_U,disengagement,goodbyes,lost_friends,soul_replica

MOST READ BLOG ENTRIES FROM MY BLOG http://lecinqblog.blogspot.com/ in the past year!

Here is a list of my top TEN most visited blogs on my LECINQBLOG on blogger..

There are many more blogs entries which are widely visited as well,but I am just keeping the list short and mentioning the top ten entries.

These are stats relevant to only the past year!

 

When i first registered with blogger,I opened up only FIVE BLOGS and called them as a single unit by aptly naming all five of them together as LECINQBLOG. the word CINQ in french means five.

 

In the past two years,I felt the need to open up a sixth blog JUST AS AN EFFORT TO ARCHIVE all my tweets and also to accomodate blog topics that wouldn't fit the subject matter of my five other blogs.

 

Also,i wanted to reclaim THIS BLOG NAME from someone else who tried to open up a defamatory blog on blogspot with the same name as my twitter id!

 

I tweet both as @lecinQblog and @ypumelfen on twitter and then archive those mini-thoughts on blogger .

 

Because i tweet prolifically on a variety of topics,I have managed to make a total of eighteen thousand #tweets so far.

I personally perceive EACH OF MY TWEETS as well written #HAIKYU poems- #precise and yet #lyrical sounding and yet managing to be #concise.

it takes #talent to write a great sounding idea in just 140 characters and yet not lose the lyrical quality of your #idea or the #logic of your idea

.

I take PRIDE in my writing skills- and i take PRIDE in my tweets too.

IDEAS are for sharing.

 

I tweet with an intention to create #social_change and to inculcuate a #thinking, #scientific, #holistic mindset in our society.

At this point, I have more than A THOUSAND blog entries on LECINQBLOG. BLOGSPOT.COM. and to list a mere TEN out of these thousands is a mere PITTANCE

 

I am still needing to post the REST OF MY #ARCHIVE.Now,this seems to be a daunting overwhelming task.and I am trying to figure out a less exasperating way to archive them and put them up on a blog where it is available TOPIC WISE, and can be easily read via a #TAG_cloud.

 

I have had many twitter users tell ME that they would GLADLY BUY A BOOK of my tweets...and infact,I would really like that too and that is also why, I am trying to put out my

#OLD_TWEETS in blog form-just so that people can search for topics and read my opinion ON THOSE ISSUES!

 

But anyways!

here goes

 

Under the bus Oct 17, 2012 http://lecinqblog.blogspot.com/2012/10/under-bus.html

The Sexiest line Mr.Green ever sent me Oct 17, 2012 http://lecinqblog.blogspot.com/2012/10/the-sexiest-line-mrgreen-ever-sent-me.html

He has made a choice and I must let him be Oct 17, 2012 http://lecinqblog.blogspot.com/2012/10/he-has-made-choice-and-i-must-let-him-be.html

We fight,we fight,we fight ,we fight Oct 18, 2012 http://lecinqblog.blogspot.com/2012/10/we-fightwe-fightwe-fight-we-fight.html

Won't mind if Mr.U married someone else Dec 13, 2012 http://lecinqblog.blogspot.com/2012/12/wont-mind-if-mru-married-someone-else.html

Quoting Rita -she talks about men who humiliate in... Mar 7, 2013 http://lecinqblog.blogspot.com/2013/03/quoting-rita-she-talks-about-men-who.html

No time He says! Oct 17, 2012 http://lecinqblog.blogspot.com/2012/10/no-time-he-says.html

Scoffing at Older,Ill shapen men!pity mixed fetish... Oct 18, 2012 http://lecinqblog.blogspot.com/2012/10/scoffing-at-olderill-shapen-men.html

My First blog entry on LECINQBLOG Oct 11, 2012 http://lecinqblog.blogspot.com/2012/10/my-first-blog-entry-on-lecinqblog.html

MOST READ BLOG ENTRIES FROM MY BLOG http://the-not-so-daily-ramble-blog.blogspot.com/ in the past year

Here is a list of my top TEN most visited blogs on my not so daily ramble blog.

There are many more blog entries which are widely visited as well,but I am just keeping the list short and mentioning the top ten entries.

These are stats relevant to only the past year!

I write about #politics, #sociology and #linguistics #sociology #anthropology #dream_journals #life_stories  #human_rights #culture #countries  in my ramble blog.

 

here goes

 

1. Someone else writes Obama's speeches? Mar 21, 2009 http://the-not-so-daily-ramble-blog.blogspot.com/2009/03/someone-else-writes-obamas-speeches.html
2. Entertainers - beggars of goodwill ! Mar 31, 2009 http://the-not-so-daily-ramble-blog.blogspot.com/2009/03/entertainers-beggars-of-goodwill.html
3. 'The broken guitar' Dream journal and My new guita... Nov 23, 2009 http://the-not-so-daily-ramble-blog.blogspot.com/2009/11/broken-guitar-dream-journal-and-my-new.html
4. The Sun, The moon,The clouds,The trees , The light...Mar 19, 2010 http://the-not-so-daily-ramble-blog.blogspot.com/2010/03/sun-moonthe-cloudsthe-trees-lights-and.html
5. To read every single post that I ever wrote on thi... Nov 12, 2011 http://the-not-so-daily-ramble-blog.blogspot.com/2011/11/to-read-every-single-post-that-i-ever.html
6. My short term Dream list Aug 21, 2011 http://the-not-so-daily-ramble-blog.blogspot.com/2011/08/my-short-term-dream-list.html
7. My blog roll entries are exactly 4 minutes apart Mar 21, 2009 http://the-not-so-daily-ramble-blog.blogspot.com/2009/03/my-blog-roll-entries-are-exactly-4.html
8. Very significant events in life that happened in... Mar 5, 2010 http://the-not-so-daily-ramble-blog.blogspot.com/2010/03/very-significant-events-in-life-that.html
9. Mayan and Dravidian-Linguistics and Anthropology May 3, 2009 http://the-not-so-daily-ramble-blog.blogspot.com/2009/05/mayan-and-dravidian-linguistics-and.html
10. I am still waiting on EQUAL WORK EQUAL PAY Mar 18, 2009 http://the-not-so-daily-ramble-blog.blogspot.com/2009/03/blog-post.html

MOST READ BLOG ENTRIES FROM MY BLOG http://the-ultimate-vegetarian-cookblog.blogspot.com/ in the past year

Here is a list of my top TEN most visited blogs on my ultimate vegetarian cooking blog.

There are many more blogs entries which are widely visited as well,but I am just keeping the list short and mentioning the top ten entries.

These are stats relevant to only the past year!

I write about #food_science, #food  #life_stories_associated_with_food #food_memories #health_articles_about_food and #nutrition  in my ultimate vegetarian cookblog.

 

here goes

 

 

1. Grocery list suggestion for newbie vegans wanting ... Jan 12, 2009 http://the-ultimate-vegetarian-cookblog.blogspot.com/2009/01/grocery-list-suggestion-for-newbie.html
2. HumanS are NOT carnivores. Information about vegan... Apr 7, 2009 http://the-ultimate-vegetarian-cookblog.blogspot.com/2009/04/humans-are-not-carnivores-information.html
3. Cheap but tasty vegan recipe for teenage vegan beg... Jan 12, 2009 http://the-ultimate-vegetarian-cookblog.blogspot.com/2009/01/cheap-buy-tasty-vegan-recipe-for.html
4. Homemade and vegan> Date and Nut Chocolate cookies... Dec 1, 2012 http://the-ultimate-vegetarian-cookblog.blogspot.com/2012/12/homemade-and-vegan-date-and-nut.html
5. CARAMELIZED BANANAS-LECINQBLOG'S POST SWIMMINGSNAC... Mar 11, 2013 http://the-ultimate-vegetarian-cookblog.blogspot.com/2013/03/caramelized-bananas-lecinqblogs-post.html
6. My vegan bread baking adventures from 2009 Mar 5, 2010 http://the-ultimate-vegetarian-cookblog.blogspot.com/2010/03/my-vegan-bread-baking-adventures-from.html
7. Warm fermented Cornbread Mar 21, 2009 http://the-ultimate-vegetarian-cookblog.blogspot.com/2009/03/warm-fermented-cornbread.html
8. My vegan Grocery list Dec 19, 2008 http://the-ultimate-vegetarian-cookblog.blogspot.com/2008/12/my-vegan-grocery-list.html
9. An American version of a mediterranean Lunch plat... Jun 4, 2010 http://the-ultimate-vegetarian-cookblog.blogspot.com/2010/06/american-version-of-mediterranean-lunch.html
10. Red cabbage Feb 16, 2009 http://the-ultimate-vegetarian-cookblog.blogspot.com/2009/02/blog-post.html

MOST READ BLOG ENTRIES FROM MY BLOG http://an-antidote-to-anger.blogspot.com/ in the past year!

Here is a list of my top TEN most visited blogs on my antidote to anger blog.

There are many more blogs entries which are widely visited as well,but I am just keeping the list short and mentioning the top ten entries.

These are stats relevant to only the past year!

I write about #pschiatry, #psychology and #psychosociology in my antidote to anger blog.

here goes

 

1. About nasty people and gossip mongers,being incapa... Dec 27, 2012 http://an-antidote-to-anger.blogspot.com/2012/12/about-nasty-people-and-gossip.html
2. First hit the baby, then pacify it? Mar 18, 2009 http://an-antidote-to-anger.blogspot.com/2009/03/first-hit-baby-then-pacify-it.html
3. Procrastination and Family drama,genetics and the ... Apr 28, 2009 http://an-antidote-to-anger.blogspot.com/2009/04/procrastination-and-family-dramagenetic.html
4. each time I hit the UNFOLLOW BUTTON Nov 25, 2009 http://an-antidote-to-anger.blogspot.com/2009/11/each-time-i-hit-unfollow-button.html
5. The Evolution of a sketch-A man , A woman and A pa... Jun 20, 2010, http://an-antidote-to-anger.blogspot.com/2010/03/evolution-of-sketch-man-woman-and.html
6. The 2009 Round up blog in piece meal-Does 'Not jud... Mar 5, 2010 http://an-antidote-to-anger.blogspot.com/2010/03/2009-round-up-blog-in-piece-meal-does.html
7. Why do men leave you after having a baby ? Mar 30, 2009 http://an-antidote-to-anger.blogspot.com/2009/03/search-query-answers-why-do-men-leave.html
8. Say it out aloud to let go off the anger Feb 16, 2009 http://an-antidote-to-anger.blogspot.com/2009/02/blog-post.html

MOST READ BLOG ENTRIES FROM MY BLOG http://poetry-and-poise.blogspot.com/ in the past year

Here is a list of my top TEN most visited blogs on my poetry and poise blog.

There are many more blogs entries which are widely visited as well,but I am just keeping the list short and mentioning the top ten entries.

These are stats relevant to only the past year!Also ,this top ten list DOESN'T include the various blogs that have gotten tens of thousands of google plus shares in the past week.

 

I write  #poetry, #lyrical_prose   various stories about #life_memories   #romance #lust #life on my poetry and poise blog.

here goes

1. Revisiting a Four year old ghost-poetic rendition ... Nov 15, 2012 http://poetry-and-poise.blogspot.com/2012/11/revisiting-four-year-old-ghost-poetic.html
2. The gossamer strings of silver Jan 4, 2010 http://poetry-and-poise.blogspot.com/2010/01/gossamer-strings-of-silver.html
3. A special HI! to MJD Jul 28, 2009 http://poetry-and-poise.blogspot.com/2009/07/special-hi-to-mjd.html
4. Accidental crossposting Mar 27, 2009 http://poetry-and-poise.blogspot.com/2009/03/accidental-crossposting.html
5. My locks of Hair--how I chop them often ! Mar 23, 2009 http://poetry-and-poise.blogspot.com/2009/03/my-locks-of-hair-how-i-chop-them-often.html
6. Gnarls Barkley and jamiroquai,umberella and Elvis... Jul 31, 2008 http://poetry-and-poise.blogspot.com/2009/03/high-risk-pregnancies.html
7. High risk pregnancies ! Mar 18, 2009 http://poetry-and-poise.blogspot.com/2009/05/loving-two-people-at-same-time-two.html
8. Loving two people at the same time-Two timing? May 5, 2009
9. A fleeting love in february ! Mar 7, 2013 http://poetry-and-poise.blogspot.com/2013/03/a-fleeting-love-in-february.html
10. How to make geeky earrings from paper clips-step b... May 7, 2010 http://poetry-and-poise.blogspot.com/2010/05/how-to-make-geeky-earrings-from-paper.html

MOST READ BLOG ENTRIES FROM MY BLOG http://ecology-blog.blogspot.com/ in the past year!

Here is a list of my top TEN most visited blogs on my ecology blog.

There are many more blogs entries which are widely visited as well,but I am just keeping the list short and mentioning the top ten entries.

These are stats relevant to only the past year!

I write about #health,  #ecology and #environment in my ecology blog.

here goes

Stop using Single serve plastic dinnerware-Use reu... Jul 8, 2010

http://ecology-blog.blogspot.com/2010/07/stop-using-single-serve-plastic.html

 

America,The Vanity factor,Cellulite,Suction cups t... Dec 24, 2009

http://ecology-blog.blogspot.com/2009/12/americathe-vanity-factorcellulitesuctio.html

 

Reuse your yogurt or coffee tubs as storage contai... Mar 21, 2009

http://ecology-blog.blogspot.com/2009/03/reuse-your-yogurt-or-coffee-tubs-as.html

 

 

A compost pit in your backyard Oct 31, 2008

http://ecology-blog.blogspot.com/2008/10/compost-pit-in-your-backyard.html

 

 

Porn addiction among males and how it is indirectl... Nov 18, 2009

http://ecology-blog.blogspot.com/2009/11/porn-addiction-among-males-and-how-it.html

 

 

Cooking gas from compost and animal fecal wastes Mar 27, 2009

 http://ecology-blog.blogspot.com/2009/03/cooking-gas-from-compost-and-animal.html

 

 

Why my ecology posts are simple and very basic Mar 27, 2009

http://ecology-blog.blogspot.com/2009/03/why-my-ecology-posts-are-simple-and.html

 

About Circumcision and STDs -Health post-Vestigial... Mar 27, 2009 http://ecologyblog.blogspot.com/2009/03/about-circumcision-and-stds-health-post.html

 

Discussing sexual techniques with friends,Kissing ... Dec 24, 2009

http://ecology-blog.blogspot.com/2009/12/discussing-sexual-techniques-with.html

 

Air drying your dishes is a great way to save ener... Feb 21, 2009

http://ecology-blog.blogspot.com/2009/02/blog-post.html

Blog entries from my poetry and poise blog that are doing the google PLUS rounds

Here is a list of my poetry and poise blogs that are getting tens of
thousands of hits on google plus
http://poetry-and-poise.blogspot.com/2010/03/i-dont-care-about-money.html
http://poetry-and-poise.blogspot.com/2010/03/i-wanted-to-stand-back-and-watch.html
http://poetry-and-poise.blogspot.com/2010/02/visual-art-twitter-profile-pic-and-page.html
http://poetry-and-poise.blogspot.com/2010/01/standing-alone-left-to-wonder.html
http://poetry-and-poise.blogspot.com/2009/11/far-north-movie-review.html
http://poetry-and-poise.blogspot.com/2009/08/review-of-mjs-funeral-memorial-service.html
http://poetry-and-poise.blogspot.com/2009/04/shampoo-so-sweet-smelling-you-want-to.html
http://poetry-and-poise.blogspot.com/2011/03/creation-movie-review.html
http://poetry-and-poise.blogspot.com/2010/12/letting-doves-fly-away-one-by-one.html
http://poetry-and-poise.blogspot.com/2010/12/breach-of-trust.html

CUT all ties

Well,i removed the last and only blog i had left on my reading list,
which was connected to mr.u...
Now,I WON'T EVEN KNOW what he is up to in life.
Gonna be totally oblivious from now on.
this is for the better,for my emotional health.
This is better and this will enable me to TOTALLY MOVE
FORWARD..leaving behind everyone that are not part of my real life
anymore!
BEST OF LUCK TO ME!

A whopping sixty THOUSAND and eight hundred odd people have google PLUSEd my poetry and poise blog in two days!how?

In the past two days something CURIOUS has happened.
A whopping SIXTY thousand eight hundred and forty eight people have
google plused my
POETRY AND POISE BLOG.
whoa!
GOOGLE kept asking me to join google plus and I have NOT joined so far.
so,I really wonder how my blogs are actually visible on the google
plus network enabling people to GOOGLE PLUS them!
Is my poetry and poise blog being featured on google plus?
What is happening?
baffled,surprised and honored all at the same time.
thanks to all google plus members who have read,liked and google
plused various blog entries of mine!
HONORED .
I do write six different blogs,and you can read all of them here
http://www.blogger.com/profile/15524952530919224387
I also tweet here
twitter.com/lecinqblog
twitter.com/ypumelfen
You can always say hi to me on twitter or email me even.
hugs and cheers to all readers.

QUOTE FROM THE MOVIE LITTLE CITY

This movie was probably released when I was a wee kid or even before
that.I just watched it this past month.
Many SMART LINES in a well written screenplay,
One particular dialogue that totally caught my attention was this and I quote

QUOTE
When people are tragically smart and ambitious they move to newyork
When people are tragically just smart they move to san fransisco
When people are tragically just ambitious they move to LA
UNQUOTE

tAGS:movie_quotes,city_love,quotes,little_city,san_francisco,newyork,LA

More updates on the 12days300pages review project

Well,for one,as I said earlier,the speed at which I am reading the
book is much faster than I am able to type out excerpts.

Also,since I find the book really helpful in analyzing all of my
actions and providing me solutions,I would rather finish reading up
all old emails, post blogs about them and such, and then ,go ahead and
read the book,so that I WON'T NEED TO be worried that I MIGHT RECALL
things after I read the book and then proceed to read old emails and
possibly NEGATE all the good that the book would have done to me by
going into a relapse phase where i undo all the good the book did to
me in terms of making me understand the importance of staying away
from PEOPLE WHO REALLY DO NOT CARE FOR my PHYSICAL OR MENTAL OR
EMOTIONAL WELL BEING.

Also,I think I MUST MAKE IT A POINT TO ONLY ADD 10 EXCERPTS for every
thirty pages.
At this point of time,i see in me a tendency to WANT TO QUOTE
everything and analyzing everything in a MEGA NOVEL fashion.
That would almost mean TYPING OUT THE WHOLE BOOK and in essence would
violate the copyright laws and also would be like WRITING OUT A WHOLE
book MANUSCRIPT ON A BLOG..
I DON'T WANT TO BE DOING THAT..just yet,unless ofcourse simon and
schuster want me to write a new book on the same subject,using my
authority as a doctor, RATHER than what i set out to do with these
excerpt quote blogs.
Anyways,I am gonna take some time to get this done...maybe months...
I am also having second thoughts on putting it up on blogs,,,given all
the wonderful snoopy monsters I really don't want to share any part of
my life with .
so yeah,SECOND THOUGHTS.
One thing I WILL DO ANYWAYS is do read the book.
WHETHER i put out excerpts and quotes for readers of these blogs is a
whole other question

A small note for mr.u

Heya,
I know! It has been years now since I last emailed you.I possibly
might have sent you a few notes here and there,but no emails.
Not emailing you anymore was a conscious decision I made.
IT WAS A GOOD decision.
Anyways,
Just wanted to write a small note and leave it on my blog for you to read.
emailing you again is not a road i want to go down on again ever.

So,yeah,
here goes the small note
1/Thanks for the kind thoughts

2/thanks for still considering and respecting my opinions

3/hugs

4/hmmmm.it feels so odd to address a blog to you here .I feel so odd
and abnormal doing this on such a public platform

5/I may not email you anymore but that DOESN'T MEAN,you are not dear
to my soul.I might be stoic to you now,but i do want good things to
happen to you.

6/i want you to TRY HARDER to become the man I WOULD OPENLY GUSH
ABOUT,SOMEONE I CAN BE PROUD OF,k?

7/hugs..This feels so odd,writing like this on an open blog for
everyone else to read as well

8/way back I had asked you to buy me gifts from the country you were
visitng then.tatami mats and ceramic pots.I wanted you to buy them and
keep them in your apartment till i can come around and take them when
i visit you.

Sadly,THAT VISIT NEVER HAPPENED so far.
five years down the lane,that apartment has already been sold,you got
older,did some more mistakes and well,you are back in that same
country for a visit.

I have the Same request all over again,small tatami mats,stonewear
ceramics and a black and white cotton five dollar kimono.BUY them and
keep them buried in the bottom of a dresser drawer somewhere AND IF
FATE HAS US MEETING,then,I will take those gifts from you,k?

9/hugs

10/more advice now.Stop eating peanut butter like a snack.Learn to
make quick healthy snacks instead.Buy fresh foods and stock your
pantry and refrigerator.and experiment with those fresh
ingredients.try new recipes..cook from scratch.use vegetables in your
recipes.eat fruits...k?

11/some more advice.Remember the time when you were a young man and
NEVER DRANK..Honestly?that is the young boy i was in love with,because
he was so much like me...I grew up,you grew up.I grew old,you grew
old..and you have changed so much as a person...REGRESSED
,infact.Anyways,long story short.STOP DRINKING ALCOHOL.

12/watch your posture.I know, i know.YOU ARE TALLER THAN average and
hence,each time you talk to others,you kinda need to hunch down and
look down.I GET THAT.
but still,DON'T HUNCH...
watch your posture ...while walking,walk tall,walk straight,have a
straight upper back.. While sitting,have a straight lower back,don't
hunch.sit straight.

13/STop watching porn so much...PORN essentially ruined your mindset
..totally.Stop using porn as a stress buster ...instead..try to find
out the real cause of stress and try to correct it...Porn objectifies
and commodifies and exploits financially desperate girls and I WANT
YOU TO BE NO PART OF THAT...

14/Stop eating sugared cereals.YOU ALREADY HAVE SPACES BETWEEN YOUR
TEETH..and milk contributes to teeth rotting..you are 36 now,,and
teeth are not getting any younger.Time to eliminate processed food
from your diet. So,count chocula is out of your diet...k?

15/Brush and floss your teeth each night before going to
sleep..again,neither of us is getting any older.I found out the hard
way about how much brushing and flossing is important to keep teeth
healthy.I want you to be incharge of your oral hygeine.k?and
yeah,floss the RIGHT WAY,,

16/Shampoo your hair every other day.YOU HAVE THE SAME SCALP and face
skin type as i do.yEAH,use your fingertips to scratch the scalp while
you shampoo.Don't use shampoos with conditioner.

17/Take a shower prior to going to sleep.helps me get better sleep and
I want you to get some better sleep each night too,k?hugs(look,the
fact that I am taking so much time writing this blog entry MUST AFFIRM
to you the fact that I DO CARE about you.k?)

18/Do your own laundry.do not make the housekeeper or dry cleaners
clean your clothes.we must all learn to CLEAN UP AFTER OURSELVES no
matter how many billions we make in life,k?

19/clean your own toilet.If you are sharing the toilet with someone
else,both of you must share the toilet cleaning duties,alternately.
Don't make OTHER PEOPLE who are not using that toilet to CLEAN YOUR
TOILET...the worst unethical thing to do is MAKE ANOTHER HUMAN BEING
CLEAN AFTER YOUR FILTH.I clean my own toilet,you must do the same.k?

20/hugs.the height difference is making these hugs difficult.stands on
step stool ,so that you don't need to hunch while you hug..:)) HUGS
AND KISSES.

21/i AM NOT going to advice you on your love life-in specific.
But ,all I am going to say is,MASTURBATE ENOUGH,so that you don't make
decisions based on sexual frustration.

Also,don't make love choices based on LONELINESS..
.I personally believe that BEING LONELY AND CELIBATE is so much better
than being with someone who is NOT EMOTIONALLY GOOD FOR YOU or someone
who is not INTELLECTUALLY STIMULATING for you..

YOU ARE CEREBRAL,I am even more cerebral AND for people like
us...TRUST ME,the wrong person can ruin our head...AND do a lot of
damage.

I can't personally come and protect you and prevent you from making mistakes...
it is ironic sometimes when I want you to NOT MAKE THE SAME KIND OF
MISTAKES I HAVE MADE IN LOVE AND I CONTINUE TO MAKE THEM TOO...
so yeah,,sigh..whatever...I just don't want you to get Jaded BECAUSE
OF YOUR LOVE MISTAKES,K?I sure am getting jaded due to my past and
present mistakes.

22/hugs...HUGS AND SPOONING so work,no?

23/btw,k,because i am a painter and because i like sketching and
because i like staring at skies and birds and mountains for hours on
end ,,I would like for a kitchen deck to be built at your place(with
hopes that SOME DAY, I might pay you a visit)...I would like to paint
and take pictures and vegetate on your deck...and maybe we both can
lie down on the deck and ARGUE..a lil bit more..one day,if fate
permits!k?

24/yeah,don' eat to the brim just before laying down to sleep..it
regurgitates back to the pharynx and then ,NO TINY TABLEts HELP to
prevent that...the trick is to eat hours before you lay down to
sleep.That way,FOOD IS ready to be GASTRIC EMPTIED into duodenum AND
THUS ,won't regurgitate back.

25/yeah,before I totally forget,Don't be insecure about your looks and
don't be overly vain either...I see bouts of UNDEREATING TO GET
THINNER,,which is Alarming me...COME ON..you are a wise man..what
happened to the wise sage boy I once fell in love with?....what the
fuck...get a grip,eat well,but don't overeat like a pig.and more than
anything,eat healthy food.

26/hugs...what else....I don't know...take care and yeah,no,I DON'T
HATE YOU ...i just feel a DISCONNECT,is all...k?hugs.best
wishes,cheers.

Tags: mr_u, love, love_lost , old_love, lover_notes , disconnect,
sadness, goodbyes_are_tough, advice, sharing_life

update-12DAYS300PAGES project-CLEANING OUT MY CLOSET!

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STALLING THE 12 DAYS 300 PAGES PROJECT

I am stalling the 12days 300pages project for a couple of days or more.

reason?

I think the book REALLY REALLY WORKS in helping me understand my own behavior and is helping me CORRECT my behavior too.

But,then,I figure that once i finish the 300 pages ,and reexpose myself to old memories I might relapse.

How do i tackle a relapse problem?

Well ,for one,WRITING out PURGE BLOGS really helps me really purge out memories of people I want to forget in my life.

Last year,in october 2012,i set out to write PURGE BLOGS about mr.u..

DID THAT HELP?

Absolutely , a THOUSAND PERCENT ,yes.

Now,when i hear about him,NOTHING HAPPENS TO ME.I am stoic.

Now,when i see his pictures,NOTHING HAPPENS TO ME.I am stoic.

I have succesfully PURGED him out of my life.

I am very glad for that...I am very very very THANKFUL for that..

I am glad that I REALLY DON'T CARE ONE WAY OR ANOTHER about his life or his mistakes.who cares!NOT MY LIFE..so who the fuck cares!

The purging effort happened because I SPENT DAYS READING EVERY DAMN email and social media interaction connected to mr.u and then MENTALLY constructing and deconstructing the SEQUENCE OF EVENTS and making a note of WHAT AND HOW.

Then,finally , I typed out those PURGE BLOGS ABOUT HIM and then boom,all memories were emptied out..

This year ,I have set out to PURGE mr.green from my mind and life forever.

for that to work,I must go back and read all old emails and read all of our social media interactions,memories of phone calls if any and other such stuff!

Then ,assess the whole sequence of happenings and make a mental note of how and why.

Only then,would i have successfully collected all the memories that i seek to purge out.

Reading this book by norwood has been an effort in healing from all the damage I incurred due to my mr.green experience.

Actually,I had bought this book in 2005,on a whim,at a USED BOOK STORE..coz i had just broken up with mr.black,the blackhole monster of my life and the title of this book caught my eye.plus they were selling used book at a pittance and I am a sucker for the printed matter!

I was so buzzed up in stress back then,I scan read the book,HERE AND THERE, and just set it aside,coz it felt like a LOAD OF BULLSHIT.

This book DIDN'T HELP ME BACK THEN.at all!

Last year,after i wrote purge blogs about mr.u,I SET AROUND TO ORGANIZING MY BOOK LIBRARY..which had/still has around 2000 books or so....

and while putting away books in boxes,I came across this book.

I had a memory recall of this book being bullshit..

I figured,"okay,let me give it one last read and see if it is still BULLSHIT and then if it turns out to be,then I SHALL GIVE IT BACK TO THE USED BOOK STORE OR LIBRARY"

I did not put it in the box .I put it beside my bed.

And one night,I decided to finally read it. re-read it ,that is!

I took a look at the chapters and boom,second chapter,"GOOD SEX IN BAD RELATIONSHIPS"

whoa!

mr.green and I,,we have a GREAT SEXUAL EQUATION..but very bad relationship otherwise..

so,ofcourse,i jumped to this chapter,so see,"WHAT BULLSHIT"the author had to say.

THAT NIGHT,was a "bingo!" night...An "aha-moment" night..

That chapter,suddenly ,ANSWERED ALL MY QUESTIONS.

And I was like, "wait a min..This book is NOT a bullshit book like i had previously thought"

Then,each night,I randomly read pages,here and there and back and forth and whichever page i opened each night.

ALL PAGES RANG SO TRUE,SO RIGHT..

I was like,"FUCK,tHIS BOOK HELPS"

Then,i had to go look up the author,look up the book and what not..

So, yeah..ACCIDENTAL DISCOVERY ,THIS BOOK!

I figured that I must first write those mr.green purge blogs and THEN proceed to read and finish the book IN SEQUENCE,because,I SURE AS HELL,don't want to go collecting and purging memories AFTER I HAVE FINISHED READING THE BOOK,because I REALLY FEAR A RELAPSE once old memories come back.

So far,it has taken me nearly a week of "ON-AND-OFF reading sessions" of OLD EMAILS.

Going back to the inbox and reading those OLD EMAILS was a BIG PAIN IN THE ASS...TOTAL MENTAL CLOUDING...SEVERE HEADACHE and heartache and tears due to OLD MEMORY SURGE!

TO START WITH,

I dreaded to even open up the MR.GREEN FOLDER..I get anxiety when I try to recall him or his memories .I have hidden all our old emails in a folders..and buried it somewhere in my old inbox...:((((

The "mr.green folder" has THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF EMAILS IN IT...

No,seriously,HE IS the one person i have exchanged back and forth,THOUSANDS OF EMAILS IN MONTHS...

so,needless,it was an OVERWHELMING experience to even set out to actually read up all THOUSANDS of them.All emotional loaded emails,some sexual,some romantic,some very angry,some sad,most of them VERY CHARGED...

This effort at reading up that folder has also been the reason why i have DEFAULTED ON THE 12DAYS 300PAGES project too,coz,the time i had alloted in a day for the project was now being consumed reading the MR.GREEN folder.

I AM HAPPY TO SAY that two days ago,AFTER having spent 3-6 hour stretches of vehemently feverishly reading up our old emails in sequence of old to new,I HAVE NOW FINISHED READING ALL OF THEM.

For a minute amidst all that email reading,I was like,"is this every gonna get over?"

SO MANY THOUGHTS AROSE IN MY HEAD, as I read the emails back to back-so many questions arose as i read those emails-so many things I still wanted to ask him.

With me,once a question arises in my head,I have to ask it..IF I SUPRESS IT for now,it will surely sprout up again and again later,till I finally ask them and find out the answer..the inquisitive mind of a scientist I suppose..LOL

I figured,WHY NOT sent those questions right away to him, while I AM DOING THIS PURGE EFFORT AND GET IT OVER WITH ,rather than bottle it up again, then finish the purge blogs, then finish the 12days300pages project and then weeks down the line, those questions are still lurking in my head and then I dread emailing him that much later ..THAT WOULD BE LIKE SCRAPING UP OLD WOUNDS AND GOING INTO REPLAPSE .

I want to ERASE HIM OUT OF MY MIND AND lead life like I NEVER TALKED TO HIM EVER..i want healing...

This year,january to may,WAS SO PRODUCTIVE..coz i had brushed him off my mind and it was all great.That is when I realized what a toxic effect he has on me.His thoughts are toxic on my productivity.

so yeah,I HAVE TO PURGE HIM.

So,yeah.I sent him some 222 emails this past week.Most of them were forwards of old emails with my added notes about them, asking him things or telling him things connected to that old email....I DON'T CARE WHETHER HE READS THEM .I DEFINITELY don't want him to reply to me EVER...i just had to share my thoughts about them and get them out of my effort.PURGE,PURGE!

I WANT OUT....I WANT OUT...

i never want to know of him or what he is doing ,ANYMORE..

it is too much strain...hurts my heart!

I NEED MEMORY ERASE.

In may 2013,I decided to write SOME PURGE BLOGS regarding mr.green just to GET IT OUT OF MY SYSTEM...

I kept postponing it till now.

I think,finishing these purge BLOGS and posting them would be a step further in my mental healing..

ONCE i am done with the mr.green purge blogs,I WILL COME BACK AND FINISH READING THE 300 PAGES ..

So,for now,I WANT TO CLEAN OUT MY CLOSET..before i set out to heal.

This 12days300 pages project has JUST GOT TO WAIT A FEW MORE DAYS .

CHEERS ALL READERS.

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I AM A WOMAN WHO LOVES TOO MUCH-DISCOVERING MYSELF BY READING THE BOOK

WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH by Robin Norwood

11 DAYS 300 PAGES.

I am a woman who loves too much

I am 34 years old, a female, a surgeon,artist,dancer,sporty and what not...

but,ONE FLAW.

I am a woman who loves too much .The men I choose to be with in my life have caused me to LOSE out on attaining meaningful milestones that I initially set out to achieve in my life by this age.

THIS IS A WAKE UP CALL

I have this book on my hands-A very old book,it has 299 pages....

I plan to read 30 pages each day,for the next 10 days and finish this book .

As I read,I will underline,QUOTABLE excerpts and also will underline,THINGS that are directly relevant to my life choices and analyze my life on a PUBLIC BLOG PLATFORM.

It takes guts and acceptance of myself TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT..i have both..I have guts and I have now mustered up acceptance too.

Robin norwood the author of this book says that ACCEPTING THE FACT THAT YOU ARE A WOMAN WHO LOVES TOO MUCH is the first step.

ACCEPTING that fact takes a lot of BEATING TO MY EGO.

To accept it,to say that something is wrong with my head and emotional intelligence,is hurting my ego..

but yes,,I ACCEPT.

I am a very intelligent person-I.Q is ABOVE AVERAGE.Took I.Q tests when i was 14 and the I.Q PEOPLE sent back a GLORIOUS REPORT...(one high point in my life)

I am a doctor-I AM VERY VERY GOOD AT diagnosis , surgical skills,analyzing medical data and being a GREAT DOCTOR...so,PER SAY..I am not crazy and looney or anything like that...(just clarifying)

I am very emotionally insightful and very emotionally sharp too.When I see dysfunctionality in other people's life,I IMMEDIATELY detect and make note of the SOURCE of their "problems".So,I am emotionally in touch...but not with my own emotions.:)))..(one more trait of women who love too much)

BUT

BUT,when it comes to my love life..I DELIBERATELY CHOOSE, "PROBLEM" personalities.

I choose UNWHOLESOME personalities to be with or to associate with romantically.

i don't want to make out these men as "crazy men" or "bad men".

THEY WERE JUST BAD TO ME..and bad for me..

Again,have to clarify,NO REAL SEVERE PHYSICAL ABUSE OR SOME SUCH..just emotional abuse or lack of consideration for my emotional health and wellbeing...They were bad to me emotionally or bad for my emotional well being.CONSISTENT emotional abuse,does make a person physically sick over time you see...psychosomatic transformation of emotional unwellness-(LIKE I STUDIED IN MED SCHOOL)

These blog articles are not an attempt to make those men look bad..Whether they are bad or not is NOT the question...

WHY THE HELL am i choosing men who ultimately are emotionally INAPPROPRIATE for me IS THE QUESTION..

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Tags: Tags: Robin_norwood, psychiatry, psychology, family, support_system, dysfunctionality,dysfunctional_families, family_unit,quotes,women_who_love_too_much,book_review,11days300pages,love,desire,romance,women,

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DISCLAIMER:

I am a 34yr old board certified female physician aka medical doctor.I have studied enough psychiatry to write articles on human psychology and psychiatry with an informed authority.As is evident from this blog of mine,I do infact WRITE articles on various aspects of socio-psychology from time to time.

I personally frown upon plagiarism and thus HAVE TO INSIST that quoting from norwood's book is NOT an effort in plagiarism.I could very well attempt to write articles on the very topics I am now quoting using norwood's words,but since I notice,that she has already done such a good and eloquent job of writing about the topics I am discussing here and since my blogs are essentially advertisement free and since I don't earn any money from my blog entries,and since norwood's book was first published in 1985 and it has almost been more than 25 years since then,quoting words from her book for NON-COMMERCIAL educational purposes might qualify as FAIR-USAGE?

Just for the sake of copyright,I am going to provide the name of the publishers who currently are associated with the book .

The name of the book from which I am quoting excerpts is WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH.

The name of the publishers ?

POCKET BOOKS which is a DIVISION of SIMON AND SCHUSTER INC. ,NYC.

www.simonandschuster.com/

They have a website and if you wish to procure a copy of this book,surely,they are the right people to be contacted.Here I have to CLARIFY,that I have NOT been paid by them or anyone else ,to quote excerpts from this book,nor have I been paid in any form or kind ,to mention them or the book in my blog.I am just doing this to share some relevant parts of the book for educational purposes for the benefit of my blog readers.

This book was first published in 1984 by pocket books.The copy I own was purchased from an used book store in 2005 and was a 1997,special tenth anniversary edition.

I may not completely agree with EVERYTHING in this book.However,so many sections are relevant NOT just to women,but also to men even in today's circumstances and times,27years since the book was first published.

MY PERSONAL ADVICE ABOUT SELF-HELP BOOKS?

Whenever we read a book ,or read anything anywhere for that matter,IT IS UP TO US,to take and assimilate whatever applies to us and whatever strikes right to us and leave behind what our mind percieves as something we don't want to learn.

IT IS ALL A VOLUNTARY EFFORT OF SELF DISCOVERY.There is absolutely no need to AGREE with everything every self-help book writer says.But,if something in a book or blog ,TOUCHES A CHORD in you,then assimilate it into your being, is all I am saying.

To me,it felt like,norwood almost makes you feel BAD for wanting to help others ,coz,see,according to the book,if you try to help someone out,then that means there is something WRONG WITH YOUR HEAD?

pun apart,really though,THERE IS nothing wrong with wanting to help others.INFACT,there are chances that there MAY BE NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU,if you want to help others.Infact,helping others is a great idea too.

Probably what she is trying to say through this book is that HELPING OTHERS at the cost of your own physical and mental health IS A RED FLAG.And I agree but again,helping others is a great idea!

having said that,there are some other topics in her book,which are VERY RELEVANT ,for all of us,AS THINKING FEELING HUMAN BEINGS and as human beings who have emotionally shut ourselves down to a point of numbness.

This book was on the NUMBER ONE newyorktimes bestseller list.But,then,I don't really place much importance to the nytimes bestseller list,coz,all kindsa IDIOT BOOKS do make it to that list..so,yeah,don't go by bestseller lists.Just read and assimilate what you feel is right.k?